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Lightning network ;)

Even though I'm not sure you're asking this in good faith...

LN is L2 Bitcoin is the settlement layer

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Yes, but it inherits all the properties of the base layer... With potentially enhanced privacy if you use it right. So yes, one can pay coffee with btc without waiting 10 minutes.

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playing with words, it’s a separate codebase, they’re not the same

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yes they are

I don't need global settlement assurance for a coffee (and neither does the vendor)

I use ecash for spending. And lightning to top up ecash.

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ok, what do you think a ln node do?

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it enables my coffee, restaurant meals, pharmaceutical supplies, and all the other day to day things I that buy