dreaming being a ghost floating up the stairs into our apartment and through a wall into my sleeping body; then waking up

first math lecture in university, shouting from the back row: "I study computer science!" because I heard my future best friend complaining that she hasn't met anyone who also studies it like her yet; her being absolutely excited to have finally found someone who does; us innocently exchanging numbers in the hallway

almost falling through the ice of the frozen campus swamp in winter with her; making a cheeky play on words of how I broke the ice between us; one of many to come

being the only one of her university friends who drove all the way to her birthday party in her home town during the first winter break

learning how to skate with her; how she was better with ollies while I was better at riding

her being vulnerable in front of me for the first time by sharing that her relationship is not going well and she doesn't know what to do; me casually replying with something that I don't even remember but apparently helped her a lot because she remembered and thanked me for it half a year later

talking to her about how we're never going to forget the day we almost walked past the uni shop, making this a day to remember; feeling so cool that we referenced Pirates of the Caribbean and A Day To Remember at the same time

learning how to climb with her and effectively trusting each other with our lives

how every other rope team was a couple

Offspring concert, dancing with her and singing along Self Esteem, screaming "I'm just a sucker with no self-esteem" over the music at her; secretly describing how I felt to only be her best friend but confidently jumped into the mosh pit alone immediately afterwards in the most poetic moment of my life (hopefully only so far)

accidentally saying out loud that she enriches my life in a conversation in a bar; how this made her eyes light up and make cute sounds

nights of getting drunk together, always trying to beat that one race near the end of Need for Speed on the hardest difficulty; always almost making out

how I waited for her bus to arrive and finally found the courage to tell her I can't go climbing in France with her in the summer as she was so excited to do; how I told her I can't because that's too much a thing for couples and we're not; how we looked at each other with broken hearts

swinging on a swing on campus (before they took it down); trying to talk to friends (including her) about bitcoin for the first time

how she told me she never wants to talk about bitcoin ever again

how I still gifted her a hardware wallet because I was dumb, didn't understand why she doesn't want to talk about bitcoin ever again and didn't take her last words about bitcoin serious

how furious and disappointed she was that I didn't respect her wish to never talk about bitcoin again

crying on the couch together with her, having acknowledged we're not good for each other; realizing we both planned to switch universities so we don't have to see each other every day

talking to @plebpoet for the first time as if she has always been my best friend

writing this?