Let's pretend we loved each other,
let's pretend we believed we could
Let's pretend we blindly believe in destiny,
in written destinies,
and be at peace with our own impossibility,
let's blame the stars.
Let's pretend that on rainy nights
we remember each other.
I'll pretend to believe that my image
of that night under the umbrella has taken over your thoughts.
And you'll pretend to think
that I'm looking for you in some rain poem.
Let's pretend that you understood my silence in the room
And that you didn't notice the pain or the tears I tried to hide
as I sipped yesterday's leftover wine
And that my melancholy didn't leave you indifferent.
And I'll pretend that your coldness didn't numb me...
Let's pretend that you loved me deeply,
Let's pretend that you realised that you "missed me" when you returned alone to the streets where
when you returned alone to the streets where you once held my hand.
Whenever I fear my own death, I'll pretend to believe that you have chosen to be my god,
to immortalise me in verses.
Let's pretend I loved you even more,
let's pretend that I didn't realise that the anger towards the years that separate us
dates back to before I was born.
I'll pretend I wasn't annoyed by the ridiculous "flirts"
that surround you,
and you'll pretend you weren't jealous of someone.
Then let's pretend we didn't know it was last night.
I'll pretend I didn't cry after we said goodbye,
and that the way back didn't feel endless.
You pretend to think that I am
the witch, the capricious one of your days,
and I pretend to convince myself
that you are the absolute evil of mine
from which I must escape.
And I'll pretend to think that maybe you'll remember me
as you embrace another body
that doesn't have my skin.
And I'll pretend to really believe it, so I'll sit down to write you letters,
which I'll pretend to send.
And you'll pretend to feel me from afar,
And I'll pretend to really feel you...
.________________________.
I wrote these lines during a very upsetting time after ending a relationship. I found them in an old journal.