When the snowflake becomes the bully \ stacker news ~alter

4397 sats \ 29 comments \ @DesertDave 30 Sep alter_native

When I was young, I was incredibly awkward. In early grade school, I literally didn't talk to anyone. My first teachers thought I a had a learning disability. I used to sit in my front yard alone and stare at the dirt for hours at a time. I didn't have a single friend that was outside of my imagination. I can not tell you the name of one other child or teacher from school from that time period. As far as school goes, it's almost like those first 9 years didn't happen.

My father was a very troubled man, not longed for this world. He didn't make "good decisions". When I was 7, he was dating a 17 year old. So naturally, we were fleeing the state together to keep him out of trouble for being with a minor. Now I was a strange child in a new school, in a strange place. I don't remember much about my childhood, but I do remember the time a kid twice my size threw me against a wall and I broke my arm in 3 places. It hurt. The pain was pretty bad, but what what hurt the most was the fact that I didn't know this kid. I never did anything to him. I was completely innocent. I felt bullied. Why would he do this? Later I would see him again in a court room crying. And then, I felt sorry for him. Imagine that.

When I was ten, CPS, took me away from my father. I spent some time living in a scary building for children without homes. Eventually, they found my mother and she took me to live with her. I didn't speak for weeks. I didn't know this woman. I wanted to be with my dad, not this stranger. I was very angry. This was the story of the snowflake.

I started to come online in fifth grade. Today I could show you a picture of my class and tell you almost everyone's name. Suddenly I was present in the world. I even made a few friends. We called ourselves the class clowns. Suddenly, I couldn't shut up. I would get in trouble daily for talking in class nonstop with my new best friend. He was a "real" friend. His name was Richard. 💚

This changed everything. Now I had an partner. We went everywhere together. He was a strange sensitive soul like me. He lifted me up and made me feel real. We would get to school early to look at books in the library. We shared all of our secrets with each other. I finally felt safe to be a human child in a human child place.

There were still bullies. And now, even I could be a bully! With the help of my new friend, I could also put people down in order to feel better about myself. But who was safe to bully? We found a pair of outcasts. One was fat, and one was skinny. Since one was fat, we knew we could outrun them as a pair. And the skinny one couldn't do anything about it on his own. So we followed them around, mocking them with Bulk and Skull theme song sounds. Shout out to the Power Rangers. There was another kid that was so strange, I could even bully him all on my own. I once saw him sitting alone playing with his own snot on the concrete. He was also mentally retarded. Yeah, now I was the kid that picked on that kid. He got it the worse. There was a boy from Cambodia that was always sitting alone. He once told us a story about pooping in holes where he came from. This was hilarious, so naturally, we laughed at him every chance we got. Yep, the snowflake had become the bully. I was putting people down to build myself up and while it may I have felt good in a way, I always knew it wasn't me.

Since those early days, I have grown up a lot. I have exhausted myself with self reflection. I have journeyed around the world, seeking to better understand myself. And I now know, just like the bullies that hurt me, I was in a lot of pain most of my younger years. I have forgiven myself for hurting others. Now I stand up for the underdog and no bully will ever have power over me again.

Here on Stacker News, there are some bullies.

I can think of one.

They need not be named.

There is no reason to name them.

Consider that for a moment.

There are many people on SN that are able to educate and offer value, while also being able to listen with compassion and lift others up. In fact, there are too many to list. Bitcoin and SN is full of loving individuals. We don't need gatekeepers. Bitcoin will be just fine with out any one of us judging who is "smart" enough to make the cut our earn a "badge".

There is no reason for this to go on. The beautiful thing about stacker, is we all get a vote.

So please help me. Be brave! Speak up. Downzap when you see disrespectful behavior, regardless of how popular the perpetrator is. Stand up for those who are being put down and pushed away simply because they aren't there yet when it comes to Bitcoin. We were all new to Bitcoin at some point. Stop defending bullies. Stop with the, "ohh, that's just how they are", nonsense. We ALL deserve better. We can make a change here. We can nurture a community that fosters diversity and educates all at the same time. There is NEVER a good reason to put others down. We only need love and kindness. Bitcoin is love in money form. So let's respect Bitcoin by doing what we know is right. And let's share everything, not just "the corn". Think bigger! Bitcoin and stacker news are for the whole world. We should aim to be inclusive and expansive.

Please help me.

Please share your stories about being bullied or being a bully. Is anyone out there like me, both a bully and a snowflake? If I am a overly sensitive, tell me about that. Be vulnerable. Be honest. Be open. Please zap⚡⚡⚡ this post so it can reach more eyeballs.

And please, always be respectful. I love you all. Have a beautiful day.

💚🪄🙏

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182 sats \ 1 reply \ @anna 30 Sep

Thank you for sharing on a vulnerable topic. I think a lot of us rely on social media (including SN) for community and it would serve us all to treat each other as human beings behind the screen. I don’t know many adults who feel confident bullying in person the way they do at their keyboards.

I was a pretty quiet kid and managed to avoid being bullied pretty well. I did join in on some and it was to people I considered a friend. But it was an easy thing to join in on and feel good doing at the time. That is something I regret to this day

11 sats \ 0 replies \ @DesertDave OP 30 Sep

That's a great point. Being online is a lot like being in a car. We feel protected so we say things we wouldn't say face to face. It's really sad that people feel the need to speak down to others. No need to have regrets. You did the best you knew at the time. Forgive yourself and move forward.

230 sats \ 4 replies \ @Coyote_Cosmico 30 Sep

These sorts of digital communities can develop "pecking orders" and they usually do.

It becomes a bit high-schooly and leads to groupthink.

I love the diversity of opinion here in SN. There are lots of takes I reflexively disagree with, but then I see or remember how sharp the poster's ideas are on other topics and it makes me question my assumptions in a way that seems healthy.

A bottom-up culture of showing mutual respect while disagreeing seems like the greatest asset a platform like this can have, if the goal is to be an open marketplace of ideas.

It's worth protecting and encouraging.

32 sats \ 0 replies \ @DesertDave OP 30 Sep

I think it's important that we remember that everyone has a valid perspective whether we agree or not. And mutual respect is key to having any sort of constructive discourse. SN should be a place for free ideas. And with Bitcoin backing it, I believe it will.

22 sats \ 0 replies \ @DesertDave OP 30 Sep

I love engaging in real debate or conversation. Mutual respect is a must in my opinion. Or else it turns into something else.

110 sats \ 1 reply \ @ninjagrandma65 30 Sep

I think the most insanely impressive person is Lyn Alden. I'll read things people say to her that are sooooooooooooo stupid. So terribly dumb. And Lyn doesn't bat an eye in explaining why it's really dumb, in a way you're not going to be able to refute as it's so very well argued and supported, but she does it in the kindest way possible. There is a level of intelligence there that is insanely high, to pull that off over and over. It's really cool to watch.

Also, the groupthink in bitcoin is REALLY bad right now.

11 sats \ 0 replies \ @DesertDave OP 30 Sep

I really love Lyn Alden. She is definitely super intelligent. I think it's important that we remember what Bitcoin is about. It is for everyone. And understanding Bitcoin is not a measure of intelligence. There is a lot more than that inform our world views and bias.

64 sats \ 3 replies \ @Undisciplined 30 Sep

Thanks for sharing that. One my few regrets is taking part in bullying a kid in high school. I wasn't the ring leader or anything, but joined in. Prior to high school I regularly stood up to bullies which is certainly how I'd rather think of myself.

27 sats \ 0 replies \ @DesertDave OP 30 Sep

It happens to the best of us. Thanks for stepping up and sharing about it. It's important to acknowledge our moments that we aren't so proud of.

135 sats \ 1 reply \ @SimpleStacker 30 Sep

In middle school, I watched as my friend bullied someone. He got bullied so hard he got into a fight and later had to leave the school.

Although I never participated in the bullying, I also did nothing to stop it despite my best friend being one of the perpetrators. Edmund Burke said, "Evil triumphs when good men do nothing." I would argue that the men who do nothing do not even deserve the title of "good".

I still think about that bullied kid sometimes. I can still remember what he looked like. I have no idea what happened to him, or how his life went. I can only pray that no lasting scars were left and that he went on to lead a positive and fulfilling life.

30 sats \ 0 replies \ @DesertDave OP 30 Sep

The good thing is our challenges make us stronger in the long run. That's a great quote. Thanks for sharing.

52 sats \ 1 reply \ @siggy47 30 Sep

Like you, I have been on both sides. Like @Undisciplined, I wasn't the ringleader, but I still think about it with shame all these years later.

43 sats \ 0 replies \ @DesertDave OP 30 Sep

I have learned that forgiving myself is very important to moving forward. I have done a lot of things I am not proud off. But when I zoom out, I know why I did it. And it all comes from fear in some form.

110 sats \ 1 reply \ @redlight_pleb 30 Sep

As both the bullier and the bullied in later years it saddens me deeply that my insecurities led me to both scenarios - and as I reflect , grow and understand more I realise that we are all one , I hurt myself when I hurt others , and love myself when I love others. Beyond this physical space rock the only currency that matters is love. 🧡

0 sats \ 0 replies \ @DesertDave OP 30 Sep

Beautifully said.

110 sats \ 5 replies \ @SimpleStacker 30 Sep

Thanks for sharing.

I have a special needs child and the fear of bullying is always there. Thankfully, it has not been a reality... yet.

If there's one good thing that I can say about DEI at schools is that they care a lot about protecting the feelings of the historically marginalized. Oftentimes, they go too far, but it does offer some degree of protection if you're in one of the favored categories.

0 sats \ 4 replies \ @DesertDave OP 30 Sep

What is DEI? My kids went to a Waldorf school. I am so grateful. It's a small school with a very different approach to education. They really didn't experience clicks or bullies in any way. Just about everyone is friends there.

11 sats \ 3 replies \ @SimpleStacker 30 Sep

DEI stands for "Diversity, Equity, and Inclusion." It is a trend in American education to focus on the experience of marginalized groups. It has become a controversial topic in the American culture wars because many see it as counterproductive to actual education. As an example: some schools are canceling honors and AP classes because minorities tend not to enroll in them.

Overall, I agree with those who are critical of DEI. But I do see some positives, like fostering a culture of inclusivism, even to those who are socially awkward or weird.

12 sats \ 2 replies \ @DesertDave OP 30 Sep

Interesting. That's a tough one. I wouldn't have fell into any category that we consider "marginalized". I feel that we create and keep separation by naming it. All people are just people. Luckily with stacker, we have votes in zaps. It's tough to deal with in a school setting. We shouldn't keep one group down to match others either. I am not sure what the solution is. Maybe just better parenting. Bullies learn it somewhere. Usually at home I think.

22 sats \ 1 reply \ @SimpleStacker 30 Sep

Totally agree. I don't like the separation of people into groups as if everyone with the same skin color has the same experience.

It's led to some real injustices, like how a rich black kid in a wealthy minority neighborhood actually gets more points for a school lottery system than a poor white kid in a poor white neighborhood... because the points are entirely based on the racial composition of the neighborhood and nothing to do with economic status.

17 sats \ 0 replies \ @DesertDave OP 30 Sep

Yes. We end "racism" by not talking about it anymore. Little children don't know race exists until we teach them about it. It's ridiculous. It isn't an accident, the polar opposites are white and black. And yet, no one on earth is actually either. Just like blue and red. It's all an illusion that we perpetuate by participating.

11 sats \ 1 reply \ @zapsammy 1 Oct

if we stare at dirt long enough, the dirt will stare back at us.

my bullying some kid in middle school was a strange experience. he would continually tease me on purpose even as i stabbed him with a pointy end of a ruller or even throw a chair at him, in between daily chases and punches on the shoulder. it was quite bizzare, in retrospect, because he would express his admiration of my academic skills, and show up at my birthday party, where i threw his shoe out the window. he invited me to his house once, where i treated him with respect, of course.

to this day i have no explanation of his behavior, leaving me baffled and confused.

0 sats \ 0 replies \ @DesertDave OP 1 Oct

Great insight. I agree about the dirt. That is truly bizarre. I suppose when we shine bright, people can have a certain admiration for us and also despise us. Very strange.

11 sats \ 1 reply \ @BTCLNAT 1 Oct

I was never an abuser or the abused. I had to be the new one once. I was 8 years old and my family moved, so I had to go to a new school. The first day I established good relationships with everyone, including a girl who was very conspicuous and this caused a chain of problems in one day. I found myself like Dartagnan in the three musketeers, three fights in the same day.

That day I had to fight with those who would later become my best friends, incredible. But I always tried to help others, it's in my nature. I don't know if it's good or not, I just know that I help everyone I can. So in high school I had problems with an abuser for helping a withdrawn boy, it cost me a fight where the abuser was with his friends and I was alone, it didn't go well for me but I got my revenge and I took advantage of it, he and I alone.

After that, I don't remember having fought more, but I have always helped those who I notice are more unprotected, I can't help it, mostly by teaching and advising.

In my path through cryptocurrencies in general, I also followed my style of helping. But with Bitcoin, something kind of strange happens to me. I continue helping, but more than giving fish, I teach how to fish, and that's because Bitcoin is PoW. They have treated me hard, but what I have done is bring out the good part, I don't focus much on the form.

Bitcoin is a community, it revolves around an almost perfect asset but made up of imperfect people. I have seen communities where there is a lot of help and others where there is more aggression. I look for what interests me and the rest is their problem. But just like @DesertDave, I love you. Thank you for helping me so much.

0 sats \ 0 replies \ @DesertDave OP 1 Oct

Thank you for your thoughtful reply. Keep up the good work in helping others to fish. 💚

11 sats \ 1 reply \ @grayruby 30 Sep

Bullying was quite common when I was growing up. I got bullied and did bully as I got older and my friends and I weren't the young ones anymore. Didn't think much of it back then but when I see it occur with kids these days it makes me think back to a time when I also tried to lift myself up by putting others down. I try to teach my kids now. You can have the tallest skyscraper in town without tearing down everyone else's building.

40 sats \ 0 replies \ @DesertDave OP 30 Sep

I feel like we have come a long way. As much as some older folks want to bag on younger generations, I do think we are better than we used to be overall. It's so different now with the internet though.

11 sats \ 1 reply \ @Satosora 30 Sep

This was touching. There are always people who want to push their agenda on you. Just have to be careful around them.

10 sats \ 0 replies \ @DesertDave OP 30 Sep

I have no fear anymore. I just show up as I am and it is always perfect. I do have to watch out for my ego.