Parent's Corner: Be Judicious \ stacker news ~alter

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6969 sats \ 50 comments \ @grayruby 24 Oct alter_native

I got myself into a bit of a quandary.

A few weeks ago I was cleaning out a bunch of stuff I had stored for the last 2.5 years from when we moved out of the city. I found my son's 6oz boxing gloves and punching mitts from when he was little. My daughter was fascinated by them and had to try them out. So I helped her put them on and showed her how to throw a punch and then put punching mitts on and let her have at it.

She has asked to "practice punching" a few times since then and I obliged.

But I have noticed recently that she has gotten into a bad habit of wanting to punch things (pillows, couch cushions, her stuffed animals) and play aggressively with her toys, making them fight. I want my daughter to be strong, confident and know how to defend herself but I don't want her to become an aggressive person or a bully. She is little, so likely she has just found something new that she thinks is fun and is just doing it all the time like kids do, but I need to ensure she understands the appropriate time to use her new found skill.

Today, when we got back from a trip to Walmart and I was unloading bags from the car she punched me in side. I turned and looked sternly at her and said "you will not do that again" but a few minutes later she tried again. I blocked her attempt and held her wrist and said "Listen to me. This is not acceptable. The only time you will punch is when you are training or if someone is trying to hurt you. If you walk around trying to punch people, one day someone is going to punch you back and a lot harder, so you need to learn to be judicious. Do you know what it means to be judicious?" She replied "no". I said "It means to have good judgement, make good decisions, to know when it is the right and wrong time to do things. So, no more punching unless we are training or there will be no more training."

She agreed.

Ultimately, I think the best solution is to get her started in martial arts classes so she can learn to channel physical energy appropriately and productively. In the meantime, hopefully our little talk did the trick to at least getting her to think about her actions before she does them.

Thanks for reading. Sats for all,

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281 sats \ 12 replies \ @Undisciplined 24 Oct

One of the main lessons of martial arts is to only use it in defense. That's literally rule number one of Miagi-Do Karate, for all you Karate Kid/Cobra Kai nerds. I don't know how long it usually takes that lesson to sink in with little kids, but I'm sure it's not immediate.

I was getting prepared to teach my daughter how to deal with bullies, because she was telling us that the boys were pushing her down and that the teachers weren't doing anything about it. That got my blood pumping! After talking to the teachers, though, I suspect her version of events was perhaps slightly self-serving.

She doesn't have a problem with hitting other kids, but she does like to roughhouse and I think she just got a little more back than expected.

We're similarly stern about hitting. You have to establish that certain lines are too serious to even play around with.

100 sats \ 0 replies \ @Signal312 25 Oct

I love this:

After talking to the teachers, though, I suspect her version of events was perhaps slightly self-serving.

Yeah, I've listened to a few stories like that before! ;-)

43 sats \ 9 replies \ @grayruby OP 24 Oct

It’s the circumstance as well. If we were fooling around and playing and she hit me I probably wouldn’t have taken it so seriously but to just walk up and punch people because you think it’s fun is not cool. Plus I probably reacted with a bit of guilt because I was the one who allowed and encouraged her initially when we found the gloves. Anyways, just gotta nip this stuff in the bud before she goes to dance class and wallops someone.

83 sats \ 0 replies \ @ek 24 Oct

just walk up and punch people because you think it’s fun is not cool

This reminded me how I always used to boop my parents into their side with a very stiff finger whenever I wanted their attention—or when I just thought it would be funny now.

Interestingly, I stopped once they started doing it to me.

70 sats \ 7 replies \ @Undisciplined 24 Oct

Exactly. My daughter and I spar sometimes, but it has to be declared that we're "practicing ninja moves".

39 sats \ 6 replies \ @grayruby OP 24 Oct

Did you get your sats from the workit challenge?

40 sats \ 5 replies \ @Undisciplined 24 Oct

Not yet. You?

59 sats \ 4 replies \ @grayruby OP 25 Oct

No me either. That's why I was wondering.

50 sats \ 3 replies \ @Undisciplined 25 Oct

Assuming we get paid our winnings, are you going to join the 25k challenge?

0 sats \ 2 replies \ @grayruby OP 25 Oct

Yes

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71 sats \ 0 replies \ @OriginalSize 25 Oct

Just have to say I loved the Miagi-Do Karate reference. Imagine if hundreds of years in the future, this becomes a dominant school (or whatever you call it). Pretty sure lots of kids forgot about that part as they left the theater.

132 sats \ 5 replies \ @jasonb 24 Oct

So I’ve never taught my kids how to punch, and my eight year old actually has seriously struggled with physical violence. We have a VERY low tolerance for it, but it’s been hard and disturbing. I’m glad to hear that you aren’t seeing this in an anger context. It’s been REALLY sad to see my little girl hit out of anger.

Let us know how the martial arts classes go!

21 sats \ 3 replies \ @grayruby OP 24 Oct

She is definitely not doing it out of anger. She learned something new and thinks it is fun. It’s just a matter of channeling it in the right direction before a bad habit becomes a real issue.

61 sats \ 1 reply \ @siggy47 24 Oct

My gut feeling is you won't have an issue if there was no anger behind it.

64 sats \ 0 replies \ @grayruby OP 24 Oct

I don’t think so either but I did feel a bit of guilt because I was the one who allowed and encouraged her to try it out when we found the gloves.

I am sure she is just being a kid. But I don’t want her to think it’s ok and start punching her friends at dance class.

50 sats \ 0 replies \ @jasonb 24 Oct

Yeah, bad habits are hard to break…

40 sats \ 0 replies \ @sangekrypto 25 Oct

I agree with you, because if children are taught from a young age how to defend themselves, the child will act as if he is the greatest, and his anger will also lead to acts of violence against his friends.

50 sats \ 0 replies \ @IamSINGLE 25 Oct

Very good article! This resonates with my childhood so much. I didn't learn it. But now I'm trying to achieve the same kind of judiciousness for myself. I often nudge people for fun.

51 sats \ 0 replies \ @BitcoinAbhi 25 Oct

The only time you will punch is when you are training or if someone is trying to hurt you. If you walk around trying to punch people, one day someone is going to punch you back and a lot harder so you need to learn to be judicious. Do you know what it means to be judicious?" She replied "no". I said "It means to have good judgement, make good decisions, to know when it is the right and wrong time to do things.

Nice advice

70 sats \ 1 reply \ @cryotosensei 25 Oct

Nicely done. I think the way you used a big word like judicious was something she didn’t expect and would thus allow the lesson to sink in

0 sats \ 0 replies \ @grayruby OP 25 Oct

Using big words with my kids when they are young is a trait of mine. In this case because I wanted to get a point across I just told her what judicious means but usually I wait for her to say “I don’t know what that means”. When my son was younger I did that with him as well.

92 sats \ 0 replies \ @Signal312 25 Oct

I really, really recommend the book 1-2-3 Magic by Thomas Phelan. Awesome book, quick and straightforward suggestions on how to deal with bad behavior. Not a lot of jargon, and very effective.

Honestly this is by a long shot the best parenting book I ever read.

140 sats \ 1 reply \ @Satosora 24 Oct

I never hurts to learn discipline.

0 sats \ 0 replies \ @grayruby OP 24 Oct

Agreed

50 sats \ 1 reply \ @ek 24 Oct

I really love reading these stories. It makes me wonder how I would handle these situations if I had a kid; giving me a (false) sense of preparedness. Having a kid must make you suddenly a lot more responsible than you thought you could be.

88 sats \ 0 replies \ @grayruby OP 24 Oct

Definitely. Every important decision you make needs to come with them in mind first.

50 sats \ 3 replies \ @siggy47 24 Oct

How old is she? If she's really young it's probably less of an issue. Either way, you handled it right. I think my daughter started mixed martial arts when she was in 2nd grade. She did it until she for probably 8 or 9 years.

43 sats \ 2 replies \ @grayruby OP 24 Oct

She is 6. She is not doing it out of anger or malice. She just learned something new and wants to do it all the time. But still need to nip it in the bud.

40 sats \ 1 reply \ @siggy47 24 Oct

I probably can't really add any insight, since my daughter didn't express any anger or violence. She did learn to enjoy it in a controlled environment, though. It's a tough balance. In today's world it's not so bad for a girl to be ready to defend herself. On the other hand, you don't want to see any bullying behavior.

43 sats \ 0 replies \ @grayruby OP 24 Oct

Totally agree.

50 sats \ 1 reply \ @DesertDave 24 Oct

That seems like a good approach to me. It's definitely a great idea to get her set up with a good way to channel that energy. I imagine is is something that needs to come out. And there is so many good lessons there in how to be mindful. Great share. Thank you.

11 sats \ 0 replies \ @grayruby OP 24 Oct

Agreed.

40 sats \ 0 replies \ @Msd0457890 25 Oct

I think it's great that you have such good communication with your daughter. Remember that this is what allows us to better connect with them. As parents, we have a great challenge, which is knowing what to say at all times and how we should say it. Sport is a way for her to channel her energy and that's good. Keep going, my friend @grayruby.

40 sats \ 0 replies \ @realBitcoinDog 25 Oct

Reminding me to do my own soon! 🫡

40 sats \ 4 replies \ @Coinsreporter 25 Oct

I don't have kids but I'm just on the edge of having one. All of this parents' corner is gonna help me be a better father from knowing all your experiences.

You've done a good job to teach her about being judicious. In here, our mothers handle this sort of stuff with a lot of beating often times. Even I and my siblings, we used to be the most notorious kids around, we all had a lot of beating by mother because her verbal warnings seemed to us like her love.

20 sats \ 3 replies \ @grayruby OP 25 Oct

I am glad you are enjoying the parent's corner posts. We are all doing our best and just chronicling our adventures along the way. When is the little one arriving?

51 sats \ 2 replies \ @Coinsreporter 25 Oct

I am glad you are enjoying the parent's corner posts.

I'm part of it. I've been all and everything you guys are writing in this corner. I wanted to write a pre parenthood experience but I just couldn't for I couldn't translate feelings into words. Byt, I'm determined to contribute in the corner.

When is the little one arriving?

Not more than a few hours from now, I'm already in labour (I announce for all the ladies that fathers do feel labour, not as painful it might be but it still is labour.)

20 sats \ 1 reply \ @grayruby OP 25 Oct

Oh wow. Congratulations. Hope all goes well and mom and baby are healthy.

100 sats \ 0 replies \ @Coinsreporter 25 Oct

Thanks 🙏

You know SN is the only place where I have made friends, I don't use, never been with so much time on any other platform, I'm so grateful that I actually have some friends with whom I can really share such a personal news. So grateful to all of you and SN.

40 sats \ 0 replies \ @User21000000 25 Oct

Think you nailed it. And if she is keen lean into it and put her in the classes for sure.

40 sats \ 3 replies \ @denlillaapan 25 Oct

"the best solution is to get her started in martial arts classes so she can learn to channel physical energy appropriately and productively" (L)

0 sats \ 2 replies \ @grayruby OP 25 Oct

(L)?

40 sats \ 1 reply \ @denlillaapan 25 Oct

sorry, was looking for a freakin heart emoji... apparently it's not "(L)" :(

0 sats \ 0 replies \ @grayruby OP 25 Oct

Gotcha! All good.

130 sats \ 1 reply \ @OT 24 Oct

How old is she?

I haven't introduced any kind of martial arts to mine just yet. Its too early, they won't listen to me.

44 sats \ 0 replies \ @grayruby OP 24 Oct

She is 6.

0 sats \ 0 replies \ @Rothbardian_fanatic 25 Oct

I don’t think it is ever too early to start martial arts. Pick one she can also have fun with and make a lot of friends. Contests are a good way to do both at the same time. Improving skills in physical, mental and spiritual areas are important. Gaining the understanding of when to hold ‘em and when to fold ‘em is also a good lesson to learn.

60 sats \ 0 replies \ @BiTCOINNEWS2030 25 Oct outlawed

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