During the recent Parent-Teacher Meeting, a father was concerned about his son being small and scrawny. I knew that his son doesn’t eat proper meals during recess and lunch time, but I didn’t know this was a sore point with his dad.
The dad then showed me a picture of his two children. His daughter - who is younger than his son by two years - is a full head taller than him. People assume that the daughter is his elder child.
Now, his concern resonated deeply with me. My elder son eats to live because he’s always preoccupied with his toys. My daughter lives to eat, gobbling greedily hungrily and demanding for second, third, fourth helpings. I have to feed my son while my daughter chows down her food independently like a champ.
So, I shared what the father had mentioned with my wife.
“So what if our girl turns out to be taller than him?” she challenged. “Isn’t it fine if both of them are Healthy?”
”If our son wants to be a girl in future, what will you say?” she continued.
”I will say Go ahead,” I answered immediately and meant it.
“So why should size be a difference then?”
“Because if his heart is female, I don’t think we should change that,” I tried to clarify my thinking. “But food intake is something that we can control manage.”
We discussed a bit further, but the main thing I want you, my awesome reader, to take away is it’s moments like this that make you realise that you have married the right person. Sexuality can be a loaded topic, but both of us just declared over a casual dinner that it’s okay for our children to be transgender. That’s cool, huh?
It's nice to have those reminders that you didn't end up with this person by accident.
Out of curiosity, what is the prevailing cultural attitude towards transgenderism (for lack of a better word) in Singapore?
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We have myriad attitudes, given the diversity of races and religions here. I would say, the more religious someone is, the less tolerant s/he would be towards transgender people. It’s not unheard of for these individuals to be estranged from their families
I would say, on the whole, we are less tolerant than the Thais or Filipinos. The Thais are predominantly Buddhist and may think that transgenders are innately that way because they didn’t gain enough karma from their past lives. (As far as I know from my understanding about Thai culture)
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Thanks. I asked because I had the impression some of the neighboring cultures were very accepting.
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64 sats \ 0 replies \ @grayruby 15h
He might just be a small boy and there is nothing wrong with that. I wouldn’t even think about gender, just let him be who he wants to be. Let him grow up and figure out who he wants to be.
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I'm glad you've the right person (life partner) who has the same reasoning.
I think you need not worry too much about the eating habits your son possess at this time. You or your wife should crawl back in time and see if one of you have the habits of eating like your son. Generally kids show the habits either of mom or dad.
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Guilty as charged! I was like him too. So my friends used to tease me about being skinny. Maybe I’m projecting my childhood trauma too much haha
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Most boys will eventually grow stronger and taller than their sisters. I think you need not worry too much about more food but you should take care if he's getting enough calories or not.
About what he wants to be? I don't dare speak about this topic it's too personal a choice of his and only his when he grows up. Not even parents can have a say in it.
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That’s great advice. That’s what my wife said as well
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'I have to feed my son'.
Why you have to feed him?
He is not capable of eating without assistance?
Provide him with healthy fresh food and let him decide whether to eat or not- if he chooses not to eat let him experience hunger- that may be what he needs to learn how to manage his appetite and appreciate the food that is on offer.
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He’s fine eating on his own. It’s just that it takes an agonisingly long time, so I wanna speed things up so that I can get more me time at night haha
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Interesting. Food is such an important sharing process. Maybe he enjoys the attention he gets in the process and so takes his time?
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Haha, pretty much the same dynamic with my wife here regarding our son.
Either of us would care about him being transgender or not. As long as he's happy with who he is. Sexuality is a spectrum, not something black and white.
However, my wife worries a lot about him not eating as much as she'd wish him to. And being the shortest in his class. I can tell her as much i want about genetics, as i was also the shortest one as a kid, the cultural pressure to be tall removes one's ability to realize he eats well for his size and nothing much to do against genetic predisposition. He's just so distracted at dinner table and it takes a lot of patience from either of us to give him the time he needs.
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Transgender is tragic confusion of roles resulting from a society that is so far from any connection to nature.
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How do you think being connected with nature will allow individuals to get in touch with their authentic selves?
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In nature the truth is expressed. In modern society we are surrounded by abstractions, concepts and doctrines which serve the human imperatives of economic, societal and power structures. Sex has as its function the perpetuation of life and in the case of humans this primary purpose is required to serve a species where the offspring require huge investment from the parents to bring them to a state where they can in turn breed. It is understandable that in modern society a trans sexual reaction is increasingly common as we have strayed so far from the natural world we came from. If you wish to explore these ideas further (and better expressed than I can) I would recommend reading the 'The Naked Ape'.
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Fascinating Thanks for typing such a detailed explanation
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