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57 sats \ 6 replies \ @freetx 20 Dec \ on: How do people live with their parents? alter_native
As someone in his 50s who has gone thru the death of both his parents, I would strongly recommend getting your parents close to you. Perhaps you don't need to have them move in, but yeah they need to be close enough so you can check in on them several times per day without making a "special trip"
Being more than lets say 1hr away will immensely add to your daily pressures. Emergencies (your mom or dad falling and being left alone or them getting stuck in a chair that they can't get themselves out of) happens at random times....its not going to coincide with your work/life schedule, and it will cause a big upheaval with each little disaster that happens.
I would say the annoyance level of your parents goes down the older they get....in many ways we revert to a more childlike state as we age. You will probably come to view your parents much the same way as you view your kids....the annoyance will not be the sort of "post adolescent" variety that we normally associate with dealing with parents.
1 hour away is a good rule of thumb
My aunt and her daughter (or my cousin) have a similar arrangement in San Diego. My aunt lives in a senior citizen apartment building.
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I have to agree that being close to your parents is a very good thing. I lived at a 16 hour flight away from my parents when my father had an “episode” that put him on a ventilator in a coma for 6 months. I came back once when he went into the coma and once more when a decision had to be made about removing him from the ventilator. Fortunately, he survived being removed from the machine and woke up about 2 weeks after that. Being close is a very, very good thing!
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I've wondered about that, too. I think some of the annoyance comes from having too many independent adults sharing the same space. The roles aren't delineated very well.
My parents do live close to us and my in-laws live close to my wife's sister. We like having them nearby. It's just actual cohabitation that seems challenging.
I'm sorry you've already lost your parents. One of the things I'm most grateful for is that my daughter has a great relationship with my parents and I hope that can continue for as long as possible.
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I think that the key to the matter is how finely delineated the roles in the house are for each person. The Grandmother taking care of the kids removes a whole lot of burden from the mother.
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Things do run most smoothly when my mom is occupied with the kid.
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So, you wife can handle other things while you mother is watching the kiddos, right?
In my wife’s family, her mother worked, her father worked the Grandfather worked outside the house and the Grandmother did all the household work and watched the kids. A typical sort of family.
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