So, here we are, just hours away from Trump turning the world into a primrose garden full of earthly delights and faery folk. By the way, I have a gorgeous ocean-view lot for sale in the Pacific Palisades. Only burnt once.

I live in the most optimistic country on the planet, and it makes me wonder if there’s something in the water that I’m not getting. Clearly Indonesians aren’t paying attention, but to be fair, all the ASEAN nations lead the whoopie wagon. This leads me to suspect it’s the durian fruit warping their minds. In some places (looking at you Aceh) unmarried couples are forbidden to eat durian alone, which would certainly make me a pessimist.

Japan being at the bottom of the list I can understand. If I had to work 15 hours a day and scream my loyalty to the company in front of my boss every morning before I was allowed a bowl of rice and some raw fish, I’d be pretty down on the global situation too.