A couple weeks ago, I was laying in the grass high as balls. I almost never get high on my own supply, but bear market times are desperate times.

Among the stars, I saw a bright light. The mothership descended down and two little green men came out. There was a tall one and a fat one.

"Shit," the tall one said. "That's not Elon Musk."

"Whatever," the fat one replied. "We can't come back empty-handed."

They scooped me up telepathically. In case any shitcoiners are reading this, that means they used their brains.

Anyway, they lifted me up and dropped me a couple times. It was off and on kinda like when you have a shitty ass Bluetooth speaker and it doesn't know what day it is.

Eventually, I make it in the mothership all bruised up. They plopped me down on a platform and I heard a loud noise by my feet.

And lo and behold, there he was. Satoshi appears in the flesh. He was dressed in an all-white suit and blinding light just followed him around.

"Satoshi, is that you?" I cry out. "Have I died? Is this hyperbitcoinization?"

"Listen here, my boy," he said. "You've been a good Bitcoiner. For the most part. Unfortunately, you bought Cardano in 2018, you stupid fuck. I can't welcome you into my kingdom yet. You must atone for your sins against hard money. I won't ever forgive you, but maybe someday, Bitcoin will."

"Please, Satoshi!" I pleaded. "I sold it the next month. I lost money!"

"That's why I'm giving you a second chance." With that, Satoshi snapped his fingers. He turned to the two green men. "OP_RETURN, Mempool, away with him!" he commanded.

The henchmen stared at me and a hole opened up in the floor underneath my back. Down I went and when I crashed into the ground it was sunrise. I guess being away from the blockchain broke time itself. I'd landed in a bale of hay. All was okay except for the money.

Surely, there are others out there with similar stories. Has anyone else seen Satoshi in his eminence? Any other lost souls?