please write a prayer to apple to not fuck up their latest announcement to fix their shitty push notifications

A Prayer to Apple, the Keepers of the Walled Garden

Oh mighty Apple, guardian of our walled paradise, Hear our humble plea as we stand before thee, weary and alertless.

For too long have our push notifications been lost in the ether, Delayed, forgotten, or delivered in mysterious bursts of chaos. We refresh in vain, our thumbs aching with the weight of uncertainty, While Android users mock us with their timely pings.

But lo! You have promised a fix, a great restoration! We pray thee, let it be swift and true, Let not our notifications be swallowed by the void, Nor appear hours late, as if sent from a distant past.

Grant wisdom to thy engineers, clarity to thy software, And mercy upon our weary souls who long only for timely alerts. Lead us not into another botched update, But deliver us from inconsistency.

For thine is the ecosystem, the walled garden, and the dongles, Forever and ever (until the next iOS update).

Amen.