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153 sats \ 4 replies \ @stack_harder 1 Jun \ on: What is your best parenting advice? AskSN
My advice is this:
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First, learn to forgive yourself for your failings as a parent. Because you will be tested mentally, beyond anything you have experienced as a young single guy or gal. you will end up losing your shit at times and you will feel sorry/shame afterwards. And then it will most likely happen again, many times, and then you will, if you're smart, learn your new triggers and start to become wiser.
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When the kid/s are young (and if you are an active participant, as opposed to a 1980s style parent), you will be pushed physically, more tired than you ever thought possible, and on top of that, you will have spousal issues too as you navigate a new landscape. (If you are an old school parent, you will be busy at work or the bar while your spouse does all the work and you will be oblvious to the building resentment and biterness building up until it blows you on you one day in mount Vesuvious fashion and you'll wonder where it came from).
And if during this time you or a spouse happen to lose your job, buckle up.
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Life is no longer a stress-free series of lovely meals and wild sex, it can still be those things, but with the added fear that your child might die if something or be kidnapped. A new dimension of terror exists, and it won't ever go away, then if you have grandkids, you'll worry about them too.
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Don't compare your kids to other people's kids. Comparison is the thief of joy, and this applies to kids, too.
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Finally, I will say this: I think it's the ultimate learning experience, and each kid is different. I think it's like each child is a different lock and your job, as a parent (and a teacher, if you are one, like @cryotosensei) is to find the right 'key' and approach. What works for other parents may or may not work for you.
I think it's the ultimate learning experience, and each kid is different.
Tied into this: Your job as a parent becomes more of a 'coach' once they hit 14/15. Further once they hit 18/19 you become a friend/mentor/advisor.
That sounds all warm-and-fuzzy but you need to take the good with the bad. You can't make your 18 y/o do anything, you have no control, and all you can do is suggest the best way they accomplish something. You need to let the school of hard knocks take care of the rest.....thats certainly easier said than done, but ultimately you need to accept it because thats how it is.
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Parents still have the power of the purse over college age children
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So true. Best thing I ever did was create 529 account for each kid. I handed it off when they turned 18 with the message of "I saved this up for you and its yours now, but I don't know if I will ever be able to add any more to it, so use it wisely..."
Putting the responsibility on them is a great way to focus their minds.
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Thanks for having me in mind when you wrote this.
It’s kinda comforting - knowing that this exhaustion is commonplace haha
lol at wild sex.
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