I received a surprise birthday (July 31st) present from the CEO of Coldcard: 1367 BTC! I was pretty shocked that NVK would do something so thoughtful! But he said I shouldn't thank him since it was really a group effort from thousands other bitcoiner friends of his.
While I really am grateful, I also don't want to have all these people snooping on how I spend my money.
How can I go about spending these bitcoins of mine safely and privately?
Birthday present 27 days late!
Seeing as you are pretty rich having won one of the biggest bounties ever in bitcon, I suggest you open a lightning channel to SN and use the bounty feature:
P.s. It wasn't given to you. You stole, so you should probably just give it back. Save your soul.
Wasabi? I don't know if they can do that much volume tho. @kruw?
Isn't the volume of Wasabi coinjoins infinity?
Even when 99% of output UTXOs are yours, the privacy guarantees of coinjoins should still hold.
Coinjoin [and similar protocols] have finite throughput, limited by available liquidity; it can be increased by services like Joinmarket, although you can convince yourself of an upper bound by realizing that if you require having at least N counterparties, then your largest coinjoin size is 1/Nth of hot UTXOs... in practice most are not interested in participation.
Naive repeated use of the same fungibility pool has diminishing returns in terms of improved pseudonymity per fee paid, and might even become counterproductive if producing an overall transaction graph where entry and exit are obvious.
tl;dr the most important ingredient of privacy is patience.
Bob Burnett has a suggestion:
source
Had to read that back 3 times for it to make sense but it does, I think, only issue is the honor among thieves assumption
I think it hard to hide too though as the miner, hash rate has to come from somewhere and is usually infrastructure with many stakeholders. Rented rented hash would require the thief to be liquid before touching the funds.
The thief could lottomine I suppose and sit on the tx's until that pays if they have or can access the expertise to set up their own pool for that.
https://twiiit.com/boomer_btc/status/2084424317505249557
Zap it to me and I will send you cowboy credits in return.
How many cowboy credits do you have??
More than I want.
"Not nearly enough" is my guess!
lol.. yeah, let's break SN's lightning channels
Haha, yeah, just launder it all through the rewards.
Post a ton of shit from an account linked to the lightning address you want to move the funds to and Zap everything about a hundred million sats the second it posts.
Also, buy a burner territory and post exclusively in it.
I smiled at the thought of territories being a money laundering front.
Now I have a mysterious excuse for why I pay for ~math even though no one posts in it, just like the empty chinese restaurant down the street
You should tell them about your territory, maybe they could use it.
Amazing. It's like you've thought about this
As I was typing it out, it was feeling like an increasingly plausible laundering path.
I'm new here, but I believe that:
"NICE TRY FED"
... is the customary response to such questions. Do i get a biscuit?
Put it in Mt. Gox and watch your investment grow!!!
😂🤣
NICE TRY FBI
Coinjoins
Obviously
LN way?
Then some healthy SN zaps? Maybe?
It's already too complicated for anyone to follow, just spend like you would any other 1367 btc.
You can move markets on predyx
Use https://boltz.exchange/ ?
Send it to a coinjoin then to a KYC exchange 🍿