I grew up with very little family and was pretty much living in an empty house at 15, my parents divorced, my sister living with my aunt, and my mom frequently gone. It sounds like you have what I didn't and I had what you claim to want. Unsurprisingly, I have a different perspective on family and people generally: everyone has something to offer and "toxic" people are better than no people.
The people I've met that are disgruntled with their family want it both ways: expect their family's help in crisis but don't want to pay the premium of relationship management/maintenance. When you have no family, and no safety net, you realize how much of a tight rope walk life is. If you are okay with eventually splatting onto concrete, and in the meantime living with the vigilance required to avoid splatting onto concrete, perhaps you want what you claim. Otherwise, I recommend paying the relationship premium and accepting your part in shaping how expensive those relationships are.
IMHO if your head is on right, have a strong sense of self, and don't have a leaky social membrane, a few "draining" family relationships are less expensive than no family relationships. Usually, maintaining a relationship requires, at most, listening to people speak and showing up when they're in crisis. Usually, you get the same from them in return and that's only the transactional part. There are many positive and subtle side effects to having people in your life who you know will listen and show up when you're in crisis.
I grew up with very little family and was pretty much living in an empty house at 15, my parents divorced, my sister living with my aunt, and my mom frequently gone. It sounds like you have what I didn't and I had what you claim to want. Unsurprisingly, I have a different perspective on family and people generally: everyone has something to offer and "toxic" people are better than no people.
The people I've met that are disgruntled with their family want it both ways: expect their family's help in crisis but don't want to pay the premium of relationship management/maintenance. When you have no family, and no safety net, you realize how much of a tight rope walk life is. If you are okay with eventually splatting onto concrete, and in the meantime living with the vigilance required to avoid splatting onto concrete, perhaps you want what you claim. Otherwise, I recommend paying the relationship premium and accepting your part in shaping how expensive those relationships are.
IMHO if your head is on right, have a strong sense of self, and don't have a leaky social membrane, a few "draining" family relationships are less expensive than no family relationships. Usually, maintaining a relationship requires, at most, listening to people speak and showing up when they're in crisis. Usually, you get the same from them in return and that's only the transactional part. There are many positive and subtle side effects to having people in your life who you know will listen and show up when you're in crisis.