For those of you who don't know, I'm learning toki pona. Its a constructed language, created by the Canadian Linguist Sonya Lang.
toki pona, for one doesn't use capital letters, but for two, only has 126 words. Words that are only for the purpose of expressing being polite were considered unnecessary and aren't part of the language. Instead, the default assumption in toki pona is that the speaker is trying to be polite.
It made me think, that we have to specify that we are trying to be polite, says a lot about us doesn't it?
Then, I had to do a double take. What exactly does it say about us?
My first thought was that people are just so angry and rude to each other all the time, that to be polite is the exception, not the rule and that's why its needed to specify that you're actually trying to be polite, but if you leave it at that I think you actually miss a lot about what's going on.
Power
The primary focus I think of when it comes to polite/rude dynamics is, expressions of power and resistance. Someone tells you what to do, you reply with resistance (rude) or submission (polite). Likewise, which approach the person giving the order/favor will be different depending on what power they believe they have over you. They will either give the order with no suggestion that it can be resisted (rude) or as a suggestion, something that can be resisted (polite).
We can further demonstrate that these are linguistic power dynamics by pointing out that asserting that someone of power is being rude by giving an order is itself considered rude. Resistance on the part of the person being asked is an attack on the power or authority of the person asking. When the person is asking using a submission tone (polite), they are indicating an awareness of not having power over the person being asked.
What Does This Say About Us?
In toki pona, we assume that everyone knows that no one has power over each other, and therefore resistance or fighting is unnecessary, instead, just say you don't want to do what is asked. toki pona is also an auxiliary language. Its intentionally simple and easy to learn and its good for people who don't speak each other's languages, but it isn't meant to replace natural language. If two speakers know a natural language, its better to use that instead as you can express much more complex ideas, like your desire to command someone and your resistance to the assertiveness of authority, but as mature adults, is there a better way to express these things?
I would like to suggest, that the next time someone is rude to you, not to fight them, but instead understand that they either feel attacked by you, or that they feel as though they don't have power over themselves in your conversation and are just trying to take that back. Either way, being more understanding rather than reactive towards each other, could go a long way.