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228 sats \ 1 reply \ @Signal312 OP 26 Dec 2023 \ parent \ on: What are your plans for old age? And, a cautionary tale meta
Very well written.
The truth of the matter is that the things you need to make life tolerable (to say nothing of making it beautiful) are cultural products, including human interaction with mutual support and care. These things have only a thin economic shadow.
I remember a post from a long time ago (on another forum) that really struck me. Basically the author was giving recommendations on how to pick a retirement community. And he made the point multiple times - do NOT go into a high end, expensive retirement community. I think he had experienced the same type of thing that I have seen just recently. Luxury on the surface, but nothing underneath. No community, no relationships.
And here's the thing - this couple I'm referencing, they actually did have a very vibrant community life, full of activities, volunteer efforts, visits with relatives, up until maybe 10 years ago. Then I think as older friends died, as their area changed, community shriveled.
And here's the thing - this couple I'm referencing, they actually did have a very vibrant community life, full of activities, volunteer efforts, visits with relatives, up until maybe 10 years ago. Then I think as older friends died, as their area changed, community shriveled.
Part of this is an inexorable force -- if you live long enough, your friends will move away and die. Certainly the larger world will change, including some of the things you love.
But other things aren't inevitable. You can work to curate a community, attend to your friends, care for them, actively maintain the things you have and treasure. It's weird (to me) how unnatural this seems, though. Like, my default behavior is to just assume it will all be fine, that these things that are so dear to me are mine by rights, they are physical laws, like gravity. I guess even still the mainstream culture makes it relatively easy to have some of that, for a while. But as you age, the degree to which those beliefs are delusional becomes clear.
I'm trying to figure out how to get in front of that. Part of it is filling my world with people I care about and who return the favor, and who will spend conscious effort on it, the way you'd consciously tend a garden. Being aware can go a long way, I think. And yet my behavior falls so far short, even with this intention! It's one of the scariest things to face, honestly.
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