145 sats \ 1 reply \ @crrdlx 13 Feb \ on: Found out my wife has cancer. Been holding it together all day. BooksAndArticles
Hang in there. I'll share my wife's story. She was told in 2015 she had duodenal cancer, her life depended on a "Whipple" surgery. Reading what you wrote reminded me of our first reactions. A few things:
- What you write is encouraging: "it's contained", surgery as an option is a positive, treatment is tough but you mention "one step at a time" which is exactly the correct way to do it (and the only way).
- Along the lines of one step at a time, I'd suggest avoiding putting too many things in your mind and building a chain of possible things that might happen. "Next step is ___" and focus on that. Then go to the next step. For my wife and I, allowing our imaginations to run never seemed helpful and always seemed stressful.
- Also, celebrate little accomplishments along the way. After my wife's surgery, she had six tubes coming out of her in various places. One by one they were removed over the course of the next few days. Each one seemed like a big step forward.
- Medicine has come a long way, trust that. The diagnosis of "cancer" used to be construed as a death sentence, but things have come a long, long way. My wife is here today and doing well as a testament to that.
It's hard, the surgery, the recovery, dealing with others (even well-intentioned people who want to help can be stressful - the constant questions of "How are you doing? How are things going?" wear on you). It's not easy. Your wife needs you to be strong right now though. For some reason, for my wife and I, four words kept coming back to us at different times. We called it "FBSS":
Faithful - we're Christians and our faith helped us, still does; religion aside, you also have to have faith in your doctors and health care workers
Brave - it's scary, this is a time for you and your wife to be brave
Strong - it's hard, physically and emotionally, you both have to be strong
Stubborn - at times, you and your wife will have to grit your teeth and bear down - medical procedure, when recovery is hard or you're feeling weak; also, be ready to speak up for yourself when you need to when someone isn't listening - it's a time to stand up for yourself.
These things helped us get through a tough time. Mostly, I'd just say to hang in there, don't let your imagination run wild, think next step, FBSS.
Thank you - will focus on these. One step at a time.
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