5 Stages of a Man’s Life
where did this come from?
I can’t remember. I heard it on the AOM podcast with a guy who was reference Richard Rohr, but I cannot find anything online where Rohr talks about these five stages. So, I didn’t come up with this myself, but I can’t find a direct source.
One of the things I do remember the guy saying was when we are the age of one of these phases, but did not properly go through the stage before, that is where you will find an immature man. A thirty year old who never properly went through the apprenticeship phase will still be looking for someone to guide him instead of fighting the good fight that he should be at his age. A fifty something who never fought like a warrior in his thirties will still be trying to compete with everyone. And so on. I thought that was very insightful.
apprentice (ages 13 - mid 20s)
You are learning directly, and soaking in by osmosis, what it means to be a man and what a man does. Before thirteen years old, you are developing a lot of your personality and emotional patterns. But, specifically figuring out what it means to be a man, and what kind of man you want to be starts happening here. You are apprenticing with the older men in your life, or apprenticing with the lack of men and whatever male examples you can find.
warrior (ages mid 20s - mid 40s)
The warrior phase is when you fight. You grind. You are at war with the world to carve out your place in it. And making your dent in it as well. This phase is marked by work and struggle. That is finding a wife, loving that wife, learning to live with that wife, having kids, raising those kids, providing for those kids, building skills, putting those skills to use.
king (ages mid 40s - mid 60s)
The king has experience, and he rules over the kingdom he has built. If you are still struggling and grinding, then something went wrong in the warrior phase or it started late. A king isn’t trying to assert himself, he is looking after the people and things in his arena. Making sure they are excelling. But, he is no longer striving, grinding, scrimping, saving. He is leading and training the warriors coming up behind him.
sage (ages mid 60s to mid 80s)
The sage has now giving over his domain to others. He is no longer raising kids, building businesses, or training new guys. He is available to give wisdom when asked, but he is not longer in the system where his input is essential to the operation. He is at peace with the good and bad of the world, and understands it’s no longer his job to change it. But, he can be of service to those whose job it still is.
lover (ages mid 80s to death)
The lover has lived long enough that everything is a miracle. He is so close to death that life’s sweetness is always on his tongue. Every face is beautiful. Every tear was worth it. Every laugh was needed. He has nothing but love left in him.
I personally really like this as a framework for understanding my current place in life. What do you think?