There's been lots of talk about family and parenting in general here on SN, and I'm going to extend this by asking the following question: what does it take to forge a strong family these days, and what's your take on a "strong" family?
First things first: what do I mean with a "strong" family?
A strong family, in my eyes, is a family which is self-supporting, comes with clear distribution of roles and duties between family members, and works together to achieve each member's personal goals as well as cementing the general succes of the family as a whole.
What should the (would be) parents bring to the table, what should said parents teach their children, and how should said children be raised altogether?
What about principals, norms and values and education? How'd you go about it, and what are some prime examples of "strong" families?
Proof of work.
Determine what being a strong family means to you. Find out what it means to your family members. Get on the same page in terms of what your family goals, values, and ideals are and work together to get there. Get on the same page in terms of where you are willing to compromise as well. You will never all agree on everything. What are you willing and unwilling to compromise on?
For instance, with my kids I am unwilling to compromise on effort, if they are going to do something I expect a full effort or don't bother but I also have to accept that sometimes they will say "I really don't want to do that" and I have to cut them some slack. Yesterday my son did not want to come with us to visit my parents. He wanted some free time for himself after catching up on a lot of school work during the week. I was disappointed because my attitude is "you don't know how long your grandparents will be around, you should spend every minute you can with them" but I also don't want to force him to go and be miserable so I let him stay home and told him "I would like you to come with me to see them next week" and he said "ok, I will".
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Get on the same page in terms of what your family goals, values, and ideals are and work together to get there.
This is what I was thinking with this prompt, too. You want everyone rowing in the same direction.
A while ago I made a post about dual-income households vs having a stay-at-home spouse and this post reminded me of that family decision. It's easier for my wife and I to be on the same page than it might otherwise be, because almost all of her work goes directly towards supporting us. If she and I each had careers to navigate, there might be some frictions when our professional responsibilities conflict.
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57 sats \ 1 reply \ @Fabs OP 4 Mar
Yeah, that's what I'm referring to with "clear distribution between roles and duties".
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I think it's very helpful, but so is being flexible about those roles.
My job description is basically to make money, play with the kid, assemble stuff, and then do whatever miscellaneous things my wife asks me to do.
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You want everyone rowing in the same direction.
My wife and I learned this lesson much too slowly on a tandem kayaking adventure during our honeymoon. I was in the front and had no idea why we were moving so slowly. Turns out she and I had a different idea of where forward was.
We are much better about going in the same direction now.
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Have you tried a tandem bicycle?
I think that should be mandatory in order to get married.
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I can't say I have, but the next chance I get, I'm not passing it up.
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I think a strong family means that people are count-on-able... that is, you have a network of people who you can rely on for various support. You know you can call on them to watch the kids, help with the house upkeep, etc.
I think leadership from the top - you and your spouse - showing love, understanding, discussion, etc. - that you can have a disagreement but you still love each other and work it out.
Going through hard times together, working together, reflecting, growing ...
Then there's the raising of the kids within your household - teaching kids to be respectful, feel safe, smart, thoughtful - all the things.
... there's a lot, this is just off the top of my head
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I think respect and trust are huge. It helps everyone go through their tasks with positivity and purpose. If you think you are being sabotaged or it is a waste, no one will be motivated.
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Like any relationship, it boils down to communication, caring and supporting each other
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Willing participants.
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To be practical, TRUST no doubting each other. Be transparent always be in honest direction and dont leave just because had a fight.
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This paragraph is from family proclamation of my church: Husband and wife have a solemn responsibility to love and care for each other and for their children. “Children are an heritage of the Lord” (Psalm 127:3). Parents have a sacred duty to rear their children in love and righteousness, to provide for their physical and spiritual needs, and to teach them to love and serve one another, observe the commandments of God, and be law-abiding citizens wherever they live. Husbands and wives—mothers and fathers—will be held accountable before God for the discharge of these obligations.
I've found Jesus until quite recently (it has been bit under three years since my baptmism), but it has dramatically changed my life and view of family towards more positive. I know also what life is without gospel of Jesus Christ. Overall this and the family proclamation as a whole do answer this question in my opinion: https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/scriptures/the-family-a-proclamation-to-the-world/the-family-a-proclamation-to-the-world?lang=eng
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True, partaking in a religion can help guide one through his life, and I mostly agree with the above.
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I expect the answer you will most gravitate to is hinted at in your choice of words. "Forge" certainly denotes something made to be strong, but it also evokes an ironically antithetical image (since to forge something is also to create a fake).
As drawn from a metallurgic context, a forge is to shape and strengthen a metal through repeated heating and beating. It is forceful, exhausting work that creates objects of immense strength and ingenuity. Some might guffaw at the idea that this same sense applies to families, but I would argue that they are taking for granted the benefits of experiencing adversity as a team as well as the benefits from strong, purposeful leadership. (Disclaimer: do not heat or beat your families.)
I think a father can bring this quality to the family by way of introducing the family to experiences that forge their bonds and other strengths. Family vacations, adventures, chores, charitable acts, moments of humility and forgiveness--all of these situations and more can test a family and have them coming out the end of it stronger. The father's role can be knowing what tests and experiences are appropriate for his family and to be their protector through it. I think it would also be his challenge to know that he is not separate from these tests.
Another verb you could have used is "grow." There are plenty of phenomena in nature that show how growth can lead to remarkable strength. An oak tree comes to mind. This might be a word better suited for a mother (though a father is not completely exempt). Growing requires patience, nourishment, and sacrifice--these are also motherly traits that might contribute to a strong family.
I have more to say on the matter, especially more specific to your questions, but I leave this reflection on the question itself for now.
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Hm, interesting philosophical take on this, fair.
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A strong family is only possible when the husband and wife are intelligent people. How can fools create a strong family? Never!
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Agree, go on.
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stackers have outlawed this. turn on wild west mode in your /settings to see outlawed content.
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