1000 sats \ 3 replies \ @k00b 17 Apr \ parent \ on: Some thoughts on success mostly_harmless
I'm operating under the impression that the problem statement here is "what's my purpose?" or "how do I fulfill my potential?" which might be off base. Also, forgive me, I get really passionate about this because people who are both smarter and more successful than me get hung up on these questions and it frustrates me more than almost anything. Either I'm confused, haven't answered these questions for myself, don't realize how difficult these questions are, and lack empathy or, as I suspect, these incredibly smart and successful people are preventing themselves from answering these questions by placing too many requirements on the answers.
Of course not, but it's beside the point and confuses the whole task by loading it with an unbearable burden. To me, indeed someone fond of illusory self-sovereignty, you couldn't design a better obstruction to answering "what is that." The expectations of you that society deserves to have are limited. If society were addressable (it isn't imo which is part of the problem), it should want to harvest the most good from you without regard for whether that takes the form of weaving incredible baskets or saving people from burning buildings. It should expect, at most, that it will fulfill its potential by you fulfilling yours alongside everyone else fulfilling theirs. Society doesn't deserve to expect the basket weaver to be a firefighter. How right is it, from society's point of view, to have miserable firefighters wishing they were basket weavers? How right is it for the firefighter to be miserable?
Anyway, I don't think you need to consider society's expectations directly. They are already part of any normal person. They will be baked into to your answers, aligned with "what is that," whether you want them to be or not. You will use "what is that" to society's aim because you're prosocial like most of us.
I'm at least under the illusion that it's true. It's certainly true on a basis relative to any other time in my life.
No, which is why I get so fired up about this. I was led astray, then lost, and went through this process, more naively and less deliberately, a long time ago. It was extremely painful (like replacing my epidermis in full) and I felt like I was playing from behind for a long time, only to realize I was "ahead" on this question. If I had an advantage in answering this question, it was that no one, including society, had expectations of me. If society had a place to write, it would've written me off.
I might've gotten lost, but "this" is "being the smartest one in the room"?
"what is that" for you when you don't consider "is it right"?
Society doesn't deserve to expect the basket weaver to be a firefighter. How right is it, from society's point of view, to have miserable firefighters wishing they were basket weavers? How right is it for the firefighter to be miserable?
I don't disagree with this as much as you think, I don't think. I agree that miserable firefighters (or miserable anything) are a bad thing, and people shouldn't be miserable if they have an alternative. What I was getting at is that it might be better to be a lawyer (just to pick a random thing) if that inherently gave you a satisfaction level of 7, vs a basket-weaver, if that gave you a SL of 8.5, bc the other aspects of being a lawyer, and the social legitimacy that that job confers, probably outweighs in aggregate the benefits from basket-weaving.
Put another way, my usage of "right" was mostly pragmatic -- you're not independent of the world, so fixating on the purity of your love of basket-weaving is likely to be empirically a bad idea, if you're measuring something like aggregate life satisfaction.
If I had an advantage in answering this question, it was that no one, including society, had expectations of me. If society had a place to write, it would've written me off.
I would love to hear more about this, if you felt like relating it, but understand if you wouldn't. My recollection of your bio is that you went to a good college and did well, and then got a good job and also did well. Was this after a decadent youth where you felt written off?
I might've gotten lost, but "this" is "being the smartest one in the room"?
Yeah. My experience is that a lot of people (maybe also myself) get trapped into being a certain person. They are successful at being that person; they're good at it; perhaps they're well-rewarded for it. But it's somehow wrong. That's what I'm poking at here -- mastering a way of Being isn't that predictive of a happy person (objectively measured) or a good life (guessing). The "smartest person" example is an archetype that I actually know -- they have made a niche, been successful at it. But I think it's a trap.
"what is that" for you when you don't consider "is it right"?
There's a question.
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I don't disagree with this as much as you think, I don't think.
I went hard on that point, but I take issue with even raising the question "is it right." Because, as much as a person thinks they can meter its influence, it's a mental sea monkey for nearly anyone and especially people who have high expectations of themselves. The people I'm talking about, all smarter and more successful than me, exhibit excessive concern about "is it right" and "what is the outcome." For smart prosocial people they will leverage "what is that" to do right and achieve a significant outcome regardless of all the "what is that" measuring they think is oh so rational.
The crux of the point I have to make is this. The feeling of finding one's purpose is mostly a matter of you respecting your own emotional wishes. It is a self-gratitude for choosing the most emotionally aligned task. Over rationalizing and quantizing these decisions is like telling everything you are to go fuck itself. No amount of societal righteousness or status or approval can heal the tear you create in your self by doing this.
I would love to hear more about this, if you felt like relating it, but understand if you wouldn't.
It's all so complain-y. Childhood turmoil -> flunking out of high school -> bankless, carless, small town grocery clerk, suicideating misery -> reading a lot -> have epiphany that I can be more -> go back to school for anything -> (re)discover an interest in computers and pursue it without concern for anything but the sense that it's "what is that" -> follow "what is that" forever.
But I think it's a trap.
I'm certain it is.
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I must ponder. Thank you.
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