I was speaking to a beautiful lady earlier who said that she didn't feel worthy. Whilst driving home I was pondering her comment and linking it back to a podcast I was watching the other day... the guy made some very good points, however he delivered them terribly (imo).
This inspired me to write a letter...
Dear self-worth,
What are you exactly, other than an utter pain in the arse?
Yep, I said it! A right royal pain in the behind, who quite frankly gets on one's nerves every time I hear your name muttered!
You will say that you are necessary to the human condition. That we all need to feel "worth". And, I don't disagree.
However, then you will say that we need to look after you and nurture you with self-love, constant healing journeys and self-care rituals.
But, can I ask you... why do we only hear your name when things seem to be crashing down around us?
You feed off our despair, off our anger, off our perception of fairness. When you are around we judge others and decide how much they are worth, others judge us and we in turn judge and compare ourselves.
When you are around we think that we aren't good enough. We strive to make you happy, and when we don't you make us feel shame and guilt for not being able to. It doesn't seem to matter what we feed you... you want more and more.
You, self-worth, are a full time job that seems to have been pushed onto us.
I don't remember hearing about you when I was tiny, playing out in the garden with the worms and snails?
I don't remember you when I was climbing trees, learning to read or singing a nursery rhyme full pelt on my way home from school!
You managed to sneak into my life slowly , and I have to give you credit because you came seemingly without invitation, gave yourself a seat in the front row of my show and I never even questioned why you were there! Well done!
I think you are there because we created you through story. We have been told that if we don't learn at a certain level, that we are not as good as the next. We have been told that if we are not quick enough, that we can't join the running team. We have been told that if we are too loud that we need to quieten down. We have been told that we are not our own number one priority and that others should come before us. We have been told that we are selfish if we dare to put ourselves first.
Then we have created you, self-worth. We have internalised these stories and turned them into the story that we are not good enough. That we are not worth it. That we are not worthy.
Then we are fed the narrative that everyone is worthy, which is true, but, in order to get our sense of self-worth back, we need to do certain things. We need to nurture you, and take a bath (amongst other things)!
But then, we are told that we don't have time to take a bath.
We feel guilty for not being able to look after you.
I have a theory!
We should tell you to do one! To F off! To go swivel!
We should stop worrying about you and stop feeding you, because let's face it... you are never satisfied and you are never going to let us rest.
We should tell you to swivel, because the less attention we pay you, the more we can actually start to live. The more we can enjoy the present moment, rather than worrying about what we have said or will say. We will stop comparing ourselves to others, stop judging ourselves solely on what we struggle to do, and remember what we are amazing at!
We will stop thinking that we aren't a worthy person because we got turned down for a job, but rather see that it was just because someone else was better at that thing, rather than a better person than us.
And, maybe... we will stop seeing worth as something to aim for, but rather already possess from the moment we were created AND that that worth will last for an eternity.
All my love,
A very worthy being.