There are two types of people in the world: those who are fascinated by personality frameworks and those who aren’t. I belong to the first camp. As someone who gets excited about discussing MBTI personalities, I am always a bit saddened by my peers who don’t summon the same level of enthusiasm. In fact, I feel like they are pouring cold water on my red-hot passion.
Thus sets the context for the reason why I bought this book many years ago. Gretchen Rubin, upon pondering why her friend can’t make herself go running, connected the dots between her varied experiences and came out with her personality framework that divides people into four tendencies, namely Upholders, Questioners, Obligers and Rebels. These individuals are divided into how gung-ho they are about fulfilling inner and outer expectations.
I was really excited when I read this the first time, marveling at Gretchen’s ability to conceptualise something neat and original and possibly groundbreaking. However, I didn’t finish the book. Now, as I gave it a second go, I remembered why. Gretchen’s strength as a writer lies in her relating candidly her honest, sometimes exasperating encounters with her family members. However, this book involves her sharing the insights she gleaned from other people’s stories - which weakens the writing as you don’t have enough stimulus to connect with them. What’s more, she covers a lot of ground in each chapter, unravelling the perspectives of spouses, parents, bosses and healthcare professionals when dealing with people of each tendency. By spreading herself thin, she comes across as touch-and-go cursory. Her ideas also come across as repetitive.
Maybe it’s the fact that I identify myself as a Rebel through her quiz. That’s why I am having a hard time reading her didactic style of writing. Nonetheless, I actually finished this book today. More importantly, because I was primed to think about personality types, I came out with the bright idea of directing my two best spellers to pair up with a weak speller each and prod the latter to learn to spell high-voltage vocabulary words. These spellers are not the most diligent people in my class, but because I peg them as Obligers, I am pretty confident that this buddy tutoring thing will take off. So, suffice it to say that this book has effected some change in me.
Additionally, I must confess that I quite enjoyed the motherhood statements associated with each Tendency. Some highlights about Rebels: Freedom is their discipline; they want freedom to do things their own way; and Rebels ask, “is this the person I want to be?” Bull’s eye, bull’s eye and bull’s eye.
Obviously, I am not a hardcore Rebel (otherwise how could I have stayed in the educational system for sooooo long?) Nonetheless, the Four Tendencies framework does explain why one of my Reporting Officers once remarked that I am a galloping stallion that may need to be tamed. LOL.
Might the number 4 in itself be dissuading to your colleagues?
https://gretchenrubin.com/books/the-four-tendencies/
We all face two kinds of expectations—outer expectations (meet work deadlines, answer a request from a friend) and inner expectations (keep a New Year’s resolution, start meditating).
Your response to expectations determines your “Tendency”—that is, whether you’re an Upholder, Questioner, Obliger, or Rebel.
Upholders respond readily to outer and inner expectations—“Discipline is my freedom”
Questioners question all expectations; they’ll meet an expectation if they think it makes sense; essentially, they make all expectations into inner expectations—“I’ll comply—if you convince me why”
Obligers meet outer expectations, but struggle to meet expectations they impose on themselves—“You can count on me; and I’m counting on you to count on me”
Rebels resist all expectations, outer and inner alike—“You can’t make me, and neither can I”
Knowing your Tendency can help you set up situations in ways that make it more likely that you’ll achieve your aims.
You can make better decisions, meet deadlines, meet your promises to yourself, suffer less stress, and engage more deeply with others.
Sorry! Should have clarified 😅
I was referring solely to the number four, in the case of sensei specifically, since in the case of japanese culture, to which he is acquainted, the number 4 has a very negative connotation in itself. That's why usually they favour numbers like 5 for this purposes, and avoid the number 4 as much as possible
8 is lucky number in China
August 8, 2008 opening ceremony in Beijing
I know! But number 4 specifically is a different story. In japan at least
His wife is Japanese but he lives in Singapore 🇸🇬
What is the lucky number in Argentina 🇦🇷
I know I know, but I assume some cultural traits might be more universal the more mundane
We don't have something like a cultural lucky number here, but there are many superstitions, and the most widespread is the "cabala", which is related to football: if you did or have something specifically the last time your team won, then that's the "cabala", and you ought to repeat it to "help" your team win again. I'm in none of that bs, not even in football, but it's funny to see people doing that so religiously
Is this why soccer fans wear underwear of a particular colour? Haha
I didn’t know this!
Did you know that 8 sends shudders down the spine for the Germans?
No idea
That’s a funny phobia
8 is the 8th letter of the alphabet. 88 means Hail Hilter.
After I learnt this, I tried to tone down my enthusiasm for the number 8 haha
I’m Chinese n the Chinese think 4 is unlucky because it sounds like death. We don’t avoid it like the plague, though.
I myself live on the fourth floor haha.
American buildings do not have a 13th floor
I mean no floor or elevator button has the label 🏷️ 13
Consider my mind blown!
I think that’s taking it a tad too far
10, 11, 12, 14
Good to know! :)
This reminds me of a personality test I took several years ago. It shows you where you stand in comparison to others in the general population on the major traits and their aspects:
understandmyself.com
Thanks! I heard of this test before but didn’t know where to take it.
Would you say that it describes you accurately?
I did it more than 10 years ago, and I can't remember well, tbh. I need to go through it again, but I'm such a different person now...
5 factor model or FFM
I heard of this test before but I used LLM for research
There is a test very similar for detecting political ideology and affiliation
For example conservatives score low on agreeable
Take the quiz.
I didn't want to enter my email, so I didn't get my official result. I'm pretty sure I'm a Questioner, though. My wife is definitely a Rebel.
I share your fascination with these types of frameworks.
This diagram is interesting. It seems to imply that I can relate to Upholders and Rebels, but not Obligers, whereas you can relate to Questioners and Obligers, but not Upholders.
https://m.stacker.news/39373
By virtue of her culture, my wife is an Upholder. Which makes her exasperated with me because I happily flout certain unspoken rules in Japan. I stick out like a sore thumb by being the only person to jaywalk when there are no vehicles around. (All the Japanese wait dutifully at the traffic lights!) I also like to eat while walking - another social taboo in Japan.
I think I can survive around Upholders though. The teaching system is full of protocols and best practices. But I like to do unorthodox things just to remind myself that my spirit cannot be captured haha
The positive spin is that you and your wife are highly complementary.
Rebel
Is anyone surprised by my result?
Upholders are so annoying!
https://www.c-span.org/person/gretchen-craft-rubin/1006509/
She graduated from Yale Law School and clerked for Supreme Court Justice Sandra Day O'Connor
I wonder if her advice works for 'ordinary' people
https://gretchenrubin.com/quiz/the-four-tendencies-quiz/
My tendency is Rebel
She writes in such a personable tone that I never considered how smart she really is.
But who cares, actually? It’s about how wise you are xP
True
Great! Thanks! Bookmarked it and it's my top priority to reading list now!
I definitely see myself as a rebel! I'll put this on my list of to must reads. My favorite topics in high school and university was definitely psychology!