As I said, if you are in a such remote area that you can't even run a mobile LN node like Breez, Blixt, SBW, Nayuta, Electrum... I don't know why do you want to complicate so much.
If you are in a such remote area, you will not have anyway where to spend your bitcoins, not even online. You will be more focused on shelter, water, food, security than... internet and bitcoin.

Thanks for your reply. Yes, I realize that anything which can encode information (such as smoke signals) could technically "work," but I would like to know which is the most practical and most likely to be adopted/used.

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But the important question is: if you are in a such remote area that you get only text, I think you will have other more important priorities than syncing a blockchain.

bitcoin

thought experiment: how to keep full node in sync without traditional internet?

smoke signals works
radio signals works
neutrino BIP157 works

But the important question is: if you are in a such remote area that you get only text, I think you will have other more important priorities than syncing a blockchain.