Ok - so it wasn't as blunt, as "maybe." But it was neither a yes nor no. And, to be sure it came with a few caveats.

All of that aside, I didn't get what I'd be hoping for, which I don't think it was all too much to ask for. I thought, whatever the answer would be, that at the very least I'd have some sense of cathartic certainty. I'm not sure now if that makes any sense or if I'd been right in thinking so..

I posted earlier (albeit, it was another territory), about my thought process. It was an exercise in writing to my future self, which I invite you to read for some background (#818083). I got some insight from the Stackers, even a few sats. I'm afraid I even I used the "remindmein" bot to be sure that I'll get the letter. At any rate, since posting it, I have come to realize that I hadn't exactly been searching for any answer in particular as much as I had been seeking some sense of clarity. That, to be sure, I haven't found.

I'm posting here in confidence of Stackers to say that I feel quite desolate. Its a rotting feeling, but something so subtle, like when there is a lemon in the bottom of the fruit bowl that is just beginning to turn, that you can just faintly smell as you walk by.

All of that said, I am still in this relationship. We have discussed the topic once or twice since that occasion, but there's not been any real resolution. Now it feels that I am trying to hold in the balance a future that I thought I could have, one that might usher in prolonged dissatisfaction and one that ushers regret.

Anyhow, I am well. I find distractions from this and I don't do much dwelling. But that's not to say that that rotten miasma doesn't come lingering around at the most inopportune of times. . . .

I'll post updates.

Yours,

FR