Mostly for the "mode" reason I mentioned to you here. I have noticed that I feel deeply vulnerable and at-risk for certain things.

I don't mind putting myself out there, like now. Something beautiful in that, important even. But fiction feels different, feels like inviting the grossest part of the world to inject venom into me. It's like my fiction self is my true, unguarded self. It's possible I may one day become so hard, or so unconquerable, that this will no longer pose a threat, but that feels as far away as becoming a god.

You're close to an answer, I think.