Have you ever been in a situation where your conversation partner has a lot of opinions about a subject that you know much much more about? And that a lot of their opinions show a fundamental misunderstanding, but you're not really sure how to bring it up without coming off too strong or didactic? And, especially if this person is your elder that you're supposed to show respect to (Asian culture here.)
What would you do in such a situation?
If I have little respect for the person, then I just keep my mouth shut.
If it’s someone I do like and respect, then I’ll segue in with something like “Hmm, here’s why I don’t see it that way…” and I pick whatever reason I think they’ll most likely listen to.
It's kinda a situation where I don't really know much about the person, but I respect the person out of filial piety (think of a distant relative from the older generation)
I’d just keep my mouth shut but I think it’s more respectful to find a way to politely voice some part of your opinion.
Yes, many times, especially when cultural respect dynamics are in play. What’s worked for me is asking genuine questions that subtly challenge assumptions without directly confronting them. Something like, “That’s interesting, I had read it works differently. What do you think about X?” This lets them reflect without feeling corrected.
Sometimes I also plant seeds, mention a podcast, article, or example casually, then let them come to it on their own later. It’s slower, but keeps the relationship intact and opens space for curiosity instead of defensiveness.
I agree. I’ve been around a lot of older men at church and this I find to be the best way.
Most of the time I am the one listening and asking questions. So it’s very rare but the once or twice time I’ve had some experience in a particular field or area. The best way to do it respectfully is to plant seeds like you said or to say things in way that will lead them there.
I have also seen slightly older men do it, and it really does work well.
It has more to do with showing respect to the elders in the room. The point of any discussion should be to grow the tribe’s knowledge stronger not anyone’s individual ego.
If you wanna solve it, just ask her stuff that makes her question what she thinks is right.
Steering a conversation using questions is definitely something i need to get better at.
If you're a master of the subject, it's going to be easy. And often with this strategy, the other person thinks they came to a certain conclusion on their own, which is much more effective.
yeah, when I think back, it's obvious what questions to ask. I need to get better at thinking on my feet, in the moment.
The Art of Asking Questions - make them doubt themselves :-)
Ever seen "My big fat greek wedding"? that's a good one too....
and if all fails there is always STFU ... lol
Sounds like my father-in-law....
In general I just change the subject as its not worth the fight. However if I really feel the need to make a point I will preface my statement with: "I've heard some people say..." or "I've read that...." to soften it as to not make the situation seem like I'm personally attacking his point.
I've talked to many people who struggle with that in Korea. Especially foreigners married into a Korean family. It's already hard for the younger generation of Koreans to deal with the stubborn older generation who expects respect because of the age. That's why many woman do not want to visit their elders anymore during Chuseok and Seollal, they just can't deal with those old ajeossis.
What I've learned, you can't change people. On the off-chance you can make them change their minds, it's usually because they've come to the conclusion themselves. It requires a lot of patience, discussions, etc to open their minds to a different way of thinking... probably only worth doing so if those are people you interact with often.
I'm lucky to be in academia, with a boss who accepts when I tell him he's wrong. In industry, you can almost never tell your boss he's wrong in front of others. You need to let him think he's had the idea by himself.
Well, not really useful advice, you probably already know all of this~~
Yes, many weekends at my in-laws' house. Many family members have opinions about many things that are not based on facts and reality. In these cases my action is not to take any because I've already done it and the result wasn't sociably good.
With third parties my attitude is:
-Say nothing - let them stay stupid, I'm not a teacher of stupid people.
-Explain that they're wrong in a polite and articulate way - if I care about their knowledge.
Show them how dumb they are like a door - colleagues and close friends in general, since I care about their knowledge.
well if i do respect that person, the first thing is to not come too hard straight.
i will try to articulate it in a way that they may not find it offensive as they would thought like im mr know it all. smooth it a bit like for saying i agree with you but don't you think that and that would be suitable as asking such question in that matter may open some space for you to take your shot boom.
Sometimes, the most respectful thing to do is to simply listen and not engage in a debate. In a situation where a loved one or elder holds a firm belief, the value of the relationship may outweigh the need to correct a factual error. You can still show respect by listening attentively, even if you disagree.
I don't try to teach old people unless they ask me to.. its often a wasted effort and unpleasant experience
If you want to show respect to them you can say "that's interesting. I haven't thought about it that way. I have always thought this..." and let them figure out they are wrong or think you are a fool.
So a simple "Okay boomer" wouldn't be appropriate? Works on me every time.
This is basically all of my posts about technology trying to be helpful. I personally hope someone will correct me below and then we're all smarter. Direct honest, diplomatic as needed? Sometimes when I predict a bad outcome I overestimate it, particularly when based on fear, and so also to make sure that the caution matches the risk.
Personally, I'm happy for people to go against me very directly. But I don't know if all people are like that, and when you don't know the person that well, you're not sure if you should be so direct.
I simply limit myself to saying something like:
If I'm feeling confident enough, I'll say something like:
I hope there is a polite way to share your perspective and respectfully make them aware of their ignorance.
Not quite the same, but it reminds me, telling my in-laws, twice, 2016 and recently, that Trump will win the US elections, and them thinking I'm insane. 😅
Also, I have an African background, and we have similar cultural dynamics. The older you get, the more you realise that those "wise" elders were actually full of shit.
There are too many sacred cows to slay...
Just don't talk about it, and in a few occasions just ask kind questions or say your opinion is tiny doses in order to make the other person think about it. But generally people don't change.
Your doing them a favour so they don’t sound like a dimbass infront of others as long as your kind about it. And it’s not in public
Well, I won't even bother wasting my time in this case, perhaps it's not your responsibility to correct them?
It's like you can't teach an old dog a new tricks. Though I would still try to keep my correct points and make them understand respectfully
This is a delicate situation, and I appreciate you bringing cultural context into it it really does matter. When I’m in a similar spot, especially with someone older or someone I respect, I try to ask open-ended questions that gently challenge their assumptions rather than directly correcting them. Something like, “That’s an interesting take have you ever come across X perspective?” It can invite dialogue rather than confrontation. Also, sharing a personal experience or story that subtly introduces the correct information can be a more respectful way to inform. Sometimes, just planting the seed is enough. Change doesn’t always happen instantly, especially in sensitive dynamics.