You have me googling the meaning of nihilistic. Now that you associate it with parenting, I don’t think I will ever forget the meaning of this word lol
I've always wanted kids but I'm coming to grips with it not happening. In the meantime I have tons of going-to-sacrifice-myself-for-some-future-I-won't-get-to-be-part-of energy, aka dad energy, to expend.
As I mentioned above my wife and I had fertility issues and had less than a 1% chance of conception and now have two miracle boys. We needed IVF which isn’t cheap and wasn’t covered by our insurance.
Also my grandfather had a perfectly normal daughter in his early 70’s and he lived to be 98.
If it’s a dream of yours keep it. Visualize it, if you are religious pray for it. Good things come to those who wait. They embrace and have tons more joy in it and don’t take it for granted!
most of the best dads I know are the ones who think like that. Those who say "yeaah man I'm having kids easy stuff I will love them a lot" just aren't facing the reality and their partner does all the heavy lifting.
If you have kids we'll be here to open PRs for SN.
Love my two boys. We had some fertility issues, so I’ve gained a new respect for the miracle of life! I hope to raise them on a Bitcoin standard. They are 4 and 6!
No kids, no desire, will die with my coins. You are welcome.
We should be encouraging more child free people to hold coin, as they are more likely to die without transferring. Lost coins only make everyone else’s coins worth slightly more.
✓ Figured out how to be the only income earner.
✓ Figured out how to adapt our life to match.
✓ Figured out how to keep my wife full of life while being full time mom.
✓ Figured out how to live within our means.
Having kids sharpens you and makes you focused. You KNOW they will copy you whether they want to or not, so it's important to both teach them well but then show them through your own life.
My go-to saying for them is "I love you! And heck, I even like you."
After being the bottom option for a while, I can sincerely recommend - have children!
Try it, it will work out. Make that the mission. It will make everything else better. If you have medical issues making it harder, try couple IVF cycles if you want, but then just go for surrogacy or adoption. You will look back and feel like you should have done that sooner...
Also if you are still younger - freeze your sperm or eggs. It's not that expensive and it gives you more chances later. This is one of those things that no one tells you to do and when you figure it out it may be too late.
Most people who dont have children, just cant afford children. Thats why birthrates in the west are so low. Millennials cant afford homes, children, etc. .... barely able to afford food..
I think that's just the mindset these people are led / curated to believe. I've always wanted children, but only wanted two, hard stop. My reason was that while it's good for them to have a sibling to help and support one another with the difficulties of life, it's too expensive to raise children, that they require a lot of money, which I don't have.
My wife, on the other hand, had always wanted 3 children and had been trying to convince me for years; even after we had our first two children back to back (separated by 15 months apart). It clicked for me when one day I realized I don't really need much money to raise a child. That the current financial shape I'm in can't be worse than my father's, who left China with only $100USD in his possession, settled on a foreign land where he don't speak the language, worked and earned everything with his own two hands, with no help at all. Now he is retired with 2 sons, owns his own house with no mortgage and living a modestly comfortable life. I certainly can't be in worse shape financially compared to my grandfather, a farmer, who lived through Chinese civil war, World War 2, communist Mao induced famine and chaos, and he still had 1 daughter and 5 sons. All his children grew up to have their own children and grandchildren.
It all depends on the lifestyle you choose to have, what kinds of tradeoffs you are willing to make, and how you want to raise your children. When I realized that it's alright to raise them cheap, raise them hungry wanting for more, my wife and I did quick work and had our third child. Took me a few years to come to that realization though, so our youngest is 6 years younger than our second.
To say that people can't afford children these days because of financial reasons doesn't make sense to me. We are living more comfortably than ever. I think people simply choose not to have children because they are not willing to make the required tradeoffs (provided that they have a partner to have the children with and are both able to have children).
I've had similar thoughts before, but I've been working on myself for a few years and I feel more confident that I would become a good father when I have kids. I recommend that you be open to the idea of having kids, even though you think you'd be terrible right now. Your confidence could change if it's part of God's plan for you.
But what I want shouldn't matter. Bringing a new life into the world should be the biggest decision an adult ever has to face. It's a really big deal.
If I can't provide a childhood filled with new experiences, intellectual vigor, travel, and a mostly outdoor lifestyle, then maybe I shouldn't be a parent. If I will be spending most of my time in an office as a fiat slave, only able to spend an hour per day with my child, then maybe I shouldn't be a parent.
I struggle with this question a lot. Maybe I over-analyze these kinds of things. But, as I said above, it's a really big fucking deal. Maybe others aren't analyzing it enough.
I have 3 children. I think having children is a way for a boy to learn to grow up and become a man. You are probably never ready for it and can never be fully prepared, but when the moment comes, you will level up and learn what to do.
Yes, there is one thing better than having my children, it's meeting and marrying my wife.
Well I won’t say that I regret having kids but honestly, I hate parenting to the core. I love my kids but I hate that I have to give up so much of my time effort energy for them
I have been fortunate recently to get to know a lot of larger families. Not that everything is sweetness and light, but when I think about the childless people I know, there's no comparison.
I'm not necessarily saying the immediate quality of life is better (although in my opinion it can be, though there are definitely sacrifices).
But the fullness of life, the sense of legacy, the sense of purpose that children give, all add meaning to life.
I have a daughter. I have two step children. I have two granddaughters.
Having your own children is good. If you can't have your own children then looking at other children as the future is important. Taking care of people is a very good thing. Cooperation is nice only when it's voluntary and in your heart you want to do it.
Lots of people have been through trauma and the trauma based programming lends itself to people feeling lost and not wanting to have a family. This is nonsense. You can be a self master and this will lead you to becoming part of more human lives. Self mastery is the key.
Your birth is a gift of the universe. No matter how severe it may have been in the past today you have a choice! Find a good mate. Commit to him or her only if she or he wants a family. If not, don't waste time and move on. Write down what you want and see if she has the same goals.
You can never afford children if you use Fiat economics. It's all designed to make you think that you need to be someone, you need to be an authority, you need to have XYZ. It's the opening to the movie Idiocracy.