21 sats \ 2 replies \ @k00b OP 9 Jun \ parent \ on: How do feel about negotiating? culture
Do you still feel dirty or violated when you have the ability to walk away? Do you negotiate frequently.
I can identify those feelings around negotiating but after this micro-epiphany I think they aren’t due to negotiating ime. When I feel dirty it’s because I was dishonest. When I feel violated, it’s because I felt like I had no other option but take a bad deal.
Do you still feel dirty or violated when you have the ability to walk away?
Hard to say. I rarely negotiate. Usually only when I have to. Theoretically though, if I can walk away, I think it would be a better experience than if I can’t.
Do you negotiate frequently.
No, very rarely.
When I feel dirty it’s because I was dishonest. When I feel violated, it’s because I felt like I had no other option but take a bad deal.
That’s probably the case for me, too. The violated is far more frequent - but more around feeling like I could have gotten a better deal, or a less bad deal, than I did
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Theoretically though, if I can walk away, I think it would be a better experience than if I can’t.
Great point. I usually prepare for a negotiation by preparing myself to walk away, reminding myself of all benefits of this particular deal not going through, and borderline ignoring all the downsides. When SN did its seed round, I remember going into it thinking "I don't need this money, if I don't get it I will go into personal financial hibernation and make it work until I'm worthy of the raise."
The violated is far more frequent - but more around feeling like I could have gotten a better deal, or a less bad deal, than I did
This sounds like how I've felt in salary negotiations. There's a huge information asymmetry, but as I can almost call myself an employer now, I was overthinking it. The biggest risk for an honest employer is paying someone more than the value they provide, going broke betting on someone or many people (if a large org) that don't deliver. So, theoretically, if I were to go back, I'd probably seek to arm myself with what my colleagues are paid, and think clearly about the relative value I was providing, then arrive at a fair price for myself and prepare to walkaway if I didn't get it.
(In the past, I mostly dealt with negotiations by convincing myself to walkaway, then making absurd asks. While it was effective on the few occasions I did it, the outcome was super unpredictable.)
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