AskSN Dads: How do you cultivate your family culture? \ stacker news ~AskSN

AskSN Dads: How do you cultivate your family culture?

814 sats \ 12 comments \ @cryotosensei 20 Oct AskSN

The idea for this post was inspired by a proactive colleague. He messaged the entire school that he would be sending his own family (composed of his wife and three sons) snippets from a gratitude-centric book he was reading.

He asked us if we would like to be included in his broadcast list so that we received the same messages that were to be sent out to his family. He resolved to send his daily message for a month. Kinda like The Daily Stoic, if you think about it. Giving his brood some direction in life.

As the patriarch of your family, are there things you intentionally do to shape your family culture? So that when people see your children, they will immediately recognise the mark you have left on them?

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143 sats \ 2 replies \ @Undisciplined 20 Oct

That feels higher level than what we're trying to do, which is more like trying to tame a wild beast.

24 sats \ 0 replies \ @cryotosensei OP 20 Oct

Admittedly, my colleagues’ sons are teenagers.

I feel you. 🫂

0 sats \ 0 replies \ @OT 20 Oct

This

1353 sats \ 1 reply \ @siggy47 20 Oct

A couple of things I have learned from almost a quarter century of parenting. Of course this is just my opinion:

Your kids aren't mini versions of you. They have their own personalities and ways of looking at life. Sometimes our own egos don't let us accept this fact.
All my attempts at "influencing" or constantly trying to mold kids with little messages and speeches mean nothing. Nobody wants to be told how to think, even those little kids you produced.
Kids don't care what you say. They watch what you do. Actions are all that matter. Speeches mean nothing.

43 sats \ 0 replies \ @cryotosensei OP 20 Oct

Indeed, I already find it amazing at how my children are their own people.

24 sats \ 1 reply \ @Signal312 20 Oct

Also, convey to your kids all the messages that you want to convey by age 12 or so. Kids listen a lot less after that age.

42 sats \ 0 replies \ @cryotosensei OP 20 Oct

There is this book by Adele Faber: How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk. I should go and read it

24 sats \ 1 reply \ @Satosora 20 Oct

You just have to be there for your kids. Or else they wont remember spending any time with you.

0 sats \ 0 replies \ @cryotosensei OP 20 Oct

That sounds great. I heard a podcast in which the guest shared about how he uses a points system to get his kids to create value by completing tasks (other than their assigned chores). This sounds to me like too much work.

24 sats \ 1 reply \ @nym 20 Oct

Great question. I believe any form of reflection in the evening, before bed, about the day and what we are thankful for is a valuable practice. Whether it's praying by your bedside or simply talking about gratitude for family and health after bedtime stories, it can be very beneficial.

11 sats \ 0 replies \ @cryotosensei OP 20 Oct

You have got a good practice going.

0 sats \ 0 replies \ @byzantine 20 Oct freebie

we practice it one day at a time.

try and learn something each day with the kids or practice something we have already learned