Have you found it harder to make friends in your 30s? \ stacker news ~FiresidePhilosophy

pull down to refresh

Have you found it harder to make friends in your 30s?

2139 sats \ 25 comments \ @stack_harder 29 Nov FiresidePhilosophy

I hear this is a common refrain and, in my case, it's proven 100% correct.

Granted I'm almost 40, but my 20s were all parties and friendships and 30s have been, basically, just family and kids, which is fine, i would like to have at least one good friend to have a whisky with once a month though.

I find the issue is a time one, friendships take time and, with 2 kids, I just don't have much of it.

Bit worse in my case as I also live in a different country AND for the past 5 years have lived in a rural village. living in the city before didn't help much, I also work from home, maybe with a job it would be a bit different.

My other lifelong best friends from life and childhood live in different countries and while I would visit them when single and had more money, it's not possible now.

How about you stackers, if you've managed to forge new friendships post-30, how did you manage?

view all related items

43 sats \ 1 reply \ @DesertDave 29 Nov

I didn't really make log lasting friends in my 30s, although I met a lot of people that made in impact on me. I am not really friends with anyone from my past anymore now. Wait, I guess I don't really have friends. I have my wife, my kids, my dogs, and stackers of course.

11 sats \ 0 replies \ @stack_harder OP 29 Nov

i think it's common to grow apart from school friends, most at least, although some also continue to grow mentally . i have 1-2 good school friends, the rest from mid 20s. I'm not also making do with Stacker and the fam lol

32 sats \ 0 replies \ @jawsh 30 Nov

Personally, I've found I don't care to make friends anymore. I have very few people I consider as such. My time is taken up with my family and work. My family I love. I have a couple work friends but most are younger and just piss me off because they are about as useful as a donut while on the clock. My best friend has 4 legs, I prefer to hang out with my dog these days.

32 sats \ 1 reply \ @cryotosensei 29 Nov

Like you, I am in my 40s with two young kids. However, I live in a small country in which I can get to meet people in less than an hour, one hour tops.

So, for me, making friends is not difficult, but having the will and energy to sustain them is. My baseline is extroversion but I realise that after so much sensory overload from parenting, I just want to be by myself and recuperate lol. My highlight of the week is Friday afternoon because I get to spend a few precious hours of me time. So in that sense, my friendships have suffered

0 sats \ 0 replies \ @stack_harder OP 30 Nov

the kids do drain the batteries for sure, plus you're a teacher aren't you? that must be very draining also

32 sats \ 1 reply \ @7e6e393a56 29 Nov

I had never realized this fact, and I really didn't make any friends after I was 30. I believe that the priorities are different... family, aging parents and I believe that generally people become more reclusive as the years go by.

15 sats \ 0 replies \ @stack_harder OP 29 Nov

the recluse factor is very real

32 sats \ 1 reply \ @denlillaapan 29 Nov

Truly.

Less time, less patience, more established high-quality friends already

0 sats \ 0 replies \ @stack_harder OP 29 Nov

high quality friends established for sure, just in different geo locations lol

14 sats \ 1 reply \ @chungkingexpress 29 Nov

I've found as I get older (in my early 30s) I've made more friends than in my 20s. I like to think I have become a better listener and more open-minded actually. I have drifted away from people I knew in the old days, but that is natural and to be expected.

I think it is about committing to making time for people on a regular basis, which is a lot easier when it is done for you in school etc. As you get older you have to take ownership of this aspect yourself.

0 sats \ 0 replies \ @stack_harder OP 30 Nov

this is true, i think also participating in sports or something would help. i workout and before i would kick box, but these are not team sports and i never really made any connections

10 sats \ 1 reply \ @guts 29 Nov

Before 30 I had my old school friends, some colleagues and friends from university. Went downhill when friends were getting married and my career was very individualistic as freelancer. My life turned 180 degrees when join a new hobby and club, I met so many people and really good friends. I highly recommend leave your safe zone and try a social hobby.

1 sat \ 0 replies \ @stack_harder OP 30 Nov

a hobby club would be pretty good, in my case, after getting up at 6 every morning and finishing the school run at 5.30, i just wouldn't have the time to drive another hour to the city to a club or something and come home, i couldn't afford all the full costs either. if i was living in the city this could work for sure

for sure if i was single i would be involved in all sorts

10 sats \ 1 reply \ @030e0dca83 29 Nov

It depends on what do you mean by "friends". For me it's a human being I can put my trust on and share all secrets with. If you mean the same than yes it's difficult. If you're looking for to people to hang with than It bacame even easier to find

1 sat \ 0 replies \ @stack_harder OP 29 Nov

i think both, i even find it a bit hard to find peeps to hang with, but i have admittedly made it extra hard by being in a different country, in a village, working from home lol

0 sats \ 0 replies \ @TheBTCManual 29 Nov

Most of my "friends" I made in my 30s are from work, soccer or friends of friends/family, I have a small circle of day ones that I went to high school with and played junior footy with so i don't need to go out looking for new inner circle, but happy to expand the outter circle

0 sats \ 0 replies \ @Roll 29 Nov

more we get older more we put barrier cause of our past "experiences", our "emotions", our energy, our pride/ego...

but one day you realize that you have to drop all that non sense..

0 sats \ 2 replies \ @Msd0457890 29 Nov

I understand you perfectly. Personally, I'll tell you that it has been difficult for me to make friends and I'm 24 years old, above all because I'm a very solitary being. I'm happy, I like to share a lot of joy, but I'm not with everyone and that has perhaps helped me become a solitary being. Being friends is a big word. Acquaintances are another. Having friends is one thing and being known is another. Friendship is something true, something that is not always easy to believe.

1 sat \ 1 reply \ @stack_harder OP 30 Nov

i think introverts have it harder in general, I'm not super introverted, like I'm quite happy to socialise etc, but starting the interaction or bring proactive is the hard part for me at least

14 sats \ 0 replies \ @Msd0457890 30 Nov

I totally agree with you, getting to that point is difficult but once I gain confidence it is another thing.

0 sats \ 0 replies \ @satoshiiiiiii 29 Nov

No, it is not more difficult than the other ates.

0 sats \ 0 replies \ @B_rian 29 Nov freebie

Your kids friends will likely determine your new friend group. My advice is to get involved in their activities, so you can snag the best parent friends.

14 sats \ 2 replies \ @Imyourfed 29 Nov

I feel you, man. It’s definitely harder to make friends as we get older. Life just gets so packed with responsibilities. Maybe try something casual, like a local group or even just chatting with neighbors? It’s tough, but even one solid hangout a month can make a big difference.