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Maybe this short video will give you more answers. Seems that you are still bargaining with yourself...

https://video.nostr.build/06d1d3d2d010a14d3564a81009255ecd19f3f158129befd240d1513897617853.mp4

She is my kind of girl!!! I really like her thinking and speaking. Is her name Ayn? I am going into spasms of joy to hear this. Someone is saying this out loud, it is supposed to be the unsaid part, not even whispered. Who is she? I am in love!!!
Josie the Outlaw, does she have anything to do with the Outlaw, Josie Wales?

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No you don't have to "quit from your actual life". You just have to be responsible for your own actions.

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The whole thing is that you can never escape your responsibilities, you have them whether you recognize them or not. You still get the consequences of your actions whether you think that is fair or not. (BTW, fair is in August.) So own them! You cannot do anything else.

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Yes, it takes some thinking to come to the proper conclusions. Your living situation is the same whether you wish to deny it, not think about it or evade it. You and only you are responsible for you and yours.

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Isn’t it your priority, freedom, that is?

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