Parenting is hard.
But would-be parents won’t exactly know this because everyone’s highlight reel on social media features smiling faces and exciting adventures. Hardly anyone discusses the pain points of parenting.
But because Sensei wants to be taken seriously as a writer, he wants to lay bare the harsh realities in an objective manner hopefully unobstructed by rage at the Universe. Hopefully, this will help new parents out there.
I am but one voice, but I think I possess a unique POV, so there.
Parenting is hard for me during breakfast.
My son is a picky eater. He literally watches his train go around the tracks on the breakfast table. He takes a looooong time to decide what he wants to eat, and if he decides, I cheer inwardly because at least he is committing to something. Trust me, nothing gets me annoyed as much as his “I don’t know”.
And when he makes his choices, I must remember his specific requirements. Just coconut jam and toast, no need for butter. Just the chicken burger, no need for the vegetables. If I screw up his order, it may be my hard-earned money gone down the drain because he will refuse to eat.
I don’t blame him. Growing up, I was a fussy eater. I used to separate the bean sprouts from the bee hoon. So ya, I’m not that into eating either.
On the other hand, my daughter is a territorial eater. I must present her with a full bowl of noodles; otherwise, she will start shrieking. Not only that, she demands food from my plate. She’s lucky that I am not like Joey Tribbiani from FRIENDS - I don’t mind sharing my food. Though I must say that I get peeved sometimes.
This morning, she took one slice of butterless bread from my boy, thus reducing his consumption from 4 to 3 slices of bread. This is unfortunate. I had hopes that he would finish all 4 slices and receive the optimal amount of nutrients.
*He steadfastly rejected all my other suggestions of food items. I tell you this, money cannot buy a fondness for food.
She just loves eating. I don’t have her fascination for food. But I admire her courage. I have given her stands of spicy foods like tom yum noodles and laksa, and she has eaten them all. She could grow up to be a food connoisseur.
Parenting is hard for me during breakfast because I have to manage their competing demands and unpredictable moods which can easily escalate into tantrums. Not to mention that I am hangry and just want to eat. But I have accepted that some mornings are a battleground.
How should newbie parents cope? Reflection is a must, even if breakfast depletes your store of energy. Trust me, it has taken me multiple rounds before I remember to order their Iced Milo without sugar. But do it enough times, and you will remember all the steps in the procedure you must carry out in order to avoid sibling conflict. Practice doesn’t make perfect, but it makes you feel slightly more in control.
It also helps to be sanguine. If my boy doesn’t eat enough, he will ask for food later when he is hungry. I shouldn’t consider it a failure if I don’t get him to eat as much as I would like. Incidentally, Okinawa people swear by a phrase “Hara hachi bu” (eating until you are 80% full). Maybe him eating less is to be celebrated, not taken as a worrying sign.
More experienced parents often tell me to cherish this period where my children are in the cutest stage of my lives. I’m like, are you freaking kidding me?! I just want to have breakfast time in peace and hopefully in solitude. I’m pretty sure that I won’t miss this trying period, but just in case I do and find that I have blocked all memories of my valiant coping mechanism, I am recording this down to jog my memory in the future. And to remember that my children are a blessing. My son returns his tray and my daughter flirts with all the old aunties at the coffee shop. They make life happen.
How is parenting hard for you?