December is the busiest month of the year for many of you. As for me, since I get to enjoy one month of protected time during the school holidays, I have the luxury of time and space to catch up with my friends.
Due to the complexities of modern life (and prevalence of online communications), it seems that we meet up with our friends less often than before. Some of us comment why we find it harder to make friends in our 30s. I replied in that thread that after being squeezed by work and parenting, I need to retreat inward and embrace solitude in order to recuperate and recharge my energy. Of course, by the time I do that, it’s back to the grind and kids goodbye my social life.
So, December is good for me because I get to meet up or connect with people from various stages of my life, including ex-students whom I have kept in contact along the way. As an aside, there’s nothing more satisfying than have your ex-student fight to pay for your meal. I meet most of them face to face, but I realise that a phone call that lasts for an hour or a substantial email has the effect of filling my heart. Yup, I’m speaking from personal experience.
What is it about connecting with friends that is so life-affirming and rejuvenating? Sure, it takes energy to chat with my friends, but I find that once I get into the flow, I am invigorating by their differing life journeys.
Life doesn’t cushion its punches for people in their 30s, I find. My ex-students have faced or are confronting heartbreaking stuff like cancer, layoffs, and miscarriages. This isn’t to say that I require others’ misfortunes in order to feel better about myself, but when I am engrossed in my headspace 24/7, it’s hard to snap out of it and count my blessings. Meeting people who are having a hard time and living their lives with strength and grace puts things in perspective. I am thus grateful that Life has not dealt the worst cards for me (yet). I also shamelessly steal energy from my friends who speak of their struggles with candor and even humour.
Not all news is negative. Other friends have planned to put their careers on hold to study their Masters overseas or travel abroad. I admire their ballsy moves. I think when I am surrounded by people who aren’t afraid to upset the status quo and pursue their idiosyncratic dreams, it emboldens me, even if I can’t follow in their footsteps.
Interacting with my friends enables my thoughts and feelings to be validated. I get to whine about how parenting has stolen my once-vibrant social life without fear of repercussions. I have known some of these friends since my teenage years, and there’s nothing more comforting than unloading my woes in front of old friends. Since they have known me for decades, I don’t need to explain myself too much. Some of them know me inside out, like the bacteria living inside my gut. One even comment that of course, parenting is a chore for me because I have to alter my identity. When she says these words, it’s like she shoots an arrow straight to my heart, allowing all my toxins to dissipate.
On the first day of the new year, I write these reflections with gratitude. I hope for more opportunities to connect with my friends this year so that I can live life like a terrarium - a sustaining, rejuvenating infinite being.