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641 sats \ 33 replies \ @cryotosensei 8 Jan \ on: Stacker Saloon
A father’s empathy
Nothing anyone says, nothing you read will ever prepare you enough to be a father.
Until you become one and are struggling in the vast ocean.
My boy has this annoying habit of playing with his toys before shower time. I get very exasperated with his inexplicable behaviour.
Of course, I wish I can shout at him to shower, just like I bellow at my unrepentant students in my booming voice. But I don’t want the lady boss in my family to have a word with me.
So I bite my tongue. And hold my temper. Which leads to some rather exaggerated sighing.
Tonight, in a rare moment of realisation, I put myself in my son’s shoes. Even though he plays with Lego blocks every day at the childcare centre, nothing beats playing with his toys at home. It’s comforting. Just like how homemakers gobble up Korean dramas. He’s just trying to fulfill his personal KPI before the night runs out and he has to go sleep. 💤
But having this insight doesn’t make parenting easier. Because his desire to play is insatiable. I can make it a point to create more play time for him but he would still delay this and decline that due to his innate need to play.
Which explains why I’m furiously typing this out at 11pm. Because I need to sleep. So does him. Another nightly battle tenuously fought. Gretchen Rubin said it best: the days are so (bloody) long.
https://m.stacker.news/11265
Yeah it’s a constant balance but aggression is needed. This idea that the world is calm and we all must get along isn’t true. The universe is chaos and boundaries have to be set. Just like we have to find that fine line of privacy and security the same has to go with aggression and passivity. Need that balance. I rather your son crumble after getting hollering from dad than from some random stranger. At least you are there to show him how to manage such situations in life. Even when they come from you.
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I agree with you! I’m trying to save hollering for the really big things though - such as poking a balloon stick at his baby sister’s face. With the other stuff, it feels like I lose if I throw my temper because he cries n nothing gets done n the night gets longer haha. Thx for your perspective
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Because it’s just easier to grab him by the shoulders and drag him to the bathroom haha. The trick is to laugh about it so that he will laugh too - even though that is the last thing on earth I wanna do.
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Don't worry, my wife resorts to that same tactic sometimes.
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or just leave him alone? 😂😂😂
okay you do you, I'm off to sleep soon, which means no one would help you with anything:)!
would this too brutal for a kid?
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I could have tried this ignoring him tactic but my wife would not be amused. It would be way past his bedtime n he can’t wake up the day after. She is the one who takes him to school before 8.30am haha
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Actually nope. I’m a teacher who works in the public school system. Of course it has its flaws but I think the socialisation aspect is something that is hard to replicate in a homeschooling setting. I like hanging out with people too haha
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I started to think about how doable it is because a. I do have time to teach the kid myself, and in a more practical getting hand dirty way! b.social wise, maybe a small workshop style with other kids is the way to go.
Personally, I don't want the kid to go through what I've gone through and end up not only wasting time and being fed so much wrong information.
how about you? @Undisciplined
You definitely don't want to violate the "happy wife happy life" theory of marriage.
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The ONE principle that matters
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Been there, tried that. Kids are on their own time and have their own priorities. Especially when they're little, that kind of approach might even seem like it's working and then they just randomly get distracted by something else.
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so what would be the solution?
taking notes 👀
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Flexibility and patience.
"There are no solutions, only tradeoffs." -Thomas Sowell
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I thought about setting up a parenting territory, but the 100k sats is a risk I m not willing to take at this point in time
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For some reason, I thought there already was a parenting territory. I'll think about putting up the sats for it.
I got beaten to ~econ when territories launched and nothing else struck me as being worth founding, but parenting is definitely something I care enough about.
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I think parenting is one of the most important topics in life - how to nurture someone to be a good person and passing down knowledge.
~econ is cool, but it's out of our control, yet we have so much influence with our own kids 👀
I said this because I can see how much influence my parent had on me
How many children do you have, mate?
@Undisciplined you have no idea how comforting your words are to me - sleep-deprived after my baby girl woke me up at 5. “Kids are on their own time” - simple n profound. Kinda cheesy but I’m feeling grateful for your words. I will say this to myself every day haha
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I appreciate you sharing your parenting experiences. I'm sure I'm not the only one who finds them very relatable.
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