First things first, perhaps I’m not the best person to comment on this topic. In a moment of weakness, I confessed my deepest and darkest thoughts regarding my parenting journey: #304937. I don’t enjoy the struggle.
But perhaps it’s precisely because I don’t enjoy parenting that much that what I have to share becomes valuable because I’m battling hard not to slip into an abyss of regret and loathing.
Many Stackers reached out to me and provided lots of useful suggestions. I have compiled them in this post: #308705. Since parenting is an individual journey, I just wanna add my two sats’ worth to the list.
- Invest in time-saving technologies
2 kids and no helper/nanny. Cleaning takes up a chunk of our everyday life, so all these new age electrical appliances will relieve some stress from the hectic routine. We got a robotic cleaner for free from a friend. Although I hardly use it, it’s comforting to know that it’s there. We do use the dishwasher and washing machine-cum-dryer every day. My wife is now contemplating a bigger dishwasher. Also, my household has bought digital locks for the front door. Honestly, I think they are are a waste of money, but if my wife derives some happiness from not having to lug keys around, I sure as hell won’t say nope.
- Get your shit sorted out
Not just the big things like making a will and opening savings accounts and investing into your children’s college funds. Also spend time on decluttering your life. I have not particularly succeeded at all aspects of my life, but I now know where every single piece of my clothing is. My clothes are sorted by colour. Gasp. Papers are the hardest because I work as a teacher and love to hoard resources. Still, I am working towards knowing where every document is in my home. Having exhibited more control over my mess, I find that these days, I have more resources to deploy on my kids. Bonus in my situation because I can recycle my preloved papers for a few cents in my country.
- Embrace the act of tidying up
You will be surprised by how fast books and toys multiply in your house. Your child will get showered with presents from well-meaning family and friends - and it’s not always easy to say nope to them. So you have to deal with their shit (metaphorical) as well. Welcome to this:
When your children are too young to clean up after themselves and your wife is burnt out doing other things, you got to rise to the occasion. What motivates me is the conviction that I want my son to feel for himself how being organised smoothens his life. He knows where his toys are because I have assigned a home for each of his prized possessions. I also pair tidying up with certain habits. Sometimes I let my mind go free and brainstorm of articles to write. Other times, I may just binge-watch Netflix. Yet other times, I will listen to podcasts on Fountain. The more you embrace tidying up, the less irritated you will get when your kids inevitably mess up.
- Make your kids fall in love with cleaning
Last weekend, my son just took the mop and wet wipe and mopped our living room floor. He must be observing how we clean the household every day and wants to get a piece of the action as well! Children usually find household chores fun. Keep it that way for them. The more you can lean on them, the less you need to do for them.
- Make sure your child learns something every day
Due to the craziness and chaos of parenting, it’s very easy to fall into the daily grind and feel like a hamster. Case in point: we used to read to our son nightly but stopped this practice after our baby girl had come into the picture. I cope better with parenting when I cultivate an atmosphere of growth. So I bring a flashcard when I pick my son up from the child care centre. Yes, just one flashcard. So my boy knows how to spell z-o-o and recognise 河马 (hippopotamus in Chinese). I feel proud and that spurs me on.
- Schedule meetups with your parents and children
This assuages my guilt of not spending enough time with my father. My son still wants to hold my hand at all times, but I find that just having my dad around is a breather. Find your village and activate them as often as you can.
I hope these tips help someone else out there. Hang in there.