It's been 3 weeks since I last posted an update and am really touched by people reaching out here.
The situation right now is that we are in the "good week" - end of one treatment cycle and getting ready for the next. Wife is at the gym right now. I'm trying to stay focused at work, get things in order for next week, which will be the "bad week" (we are on 3-week cycle, so starts bad and slowly gets better, until the end when she is basically acting totally normal)
This is a bit more of a bullet-point post, as I've been collecting my thoughts and feelings as the time has gone on:
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The impact of the first treatment was a bit harder than we expected. Day 0 was fine. Day 1, she went to the store during the day with her mom, but was fatigued. Day 2 she was in bed most of the day, either feeling nauseous or sleeping. I felt the real impact in the morning, trying to get the kids out the door and managing work. This was a day when usually we are both up and managing the kids, as it's one of the days when both kids have somewhere to be in the morning. I took some unexpected time off work throughout the week. Nothing major, but thankfully my project is running smoothly with me popping in and out.
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It's been really interesting to observe who in our life has reached out, who has not. Nothing good or bad about it. Some unexpected people have been really generous with time, gifts, etc, and there have been others who have not communicated. Everyone dealing with the news in their own way. People have setup a meal train for us, which brings a lot of relief around making dinner for the kids and having food available.
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There have been lots of ups and downs throughout this, and will continue to be. To me, it often feels like life is normal and then I'm brought back to reality. Having a regular day and then some test results drop and we go into a tailspin. For my wife, it has been much less normal, as she is the one who has been sick, in bed, etc.
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During the days when I'm doing all the household upkeep, I found the easiest thing is to make sure I'm always doing something - wrangling the kids, checking on wife, prepping food, folding laundry, doing dishes, making food, doing work ...
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As things progressed from the bad days into better days, I found that I was really tightly wound and wasting a lot of time, looking at Nostr, actually just staring at my phone for no reason, feeling a bit lost - there is so much to do and yet it feels easier to not do anything than to do 1 thing in an endless list. This feels okay to a point, I do need to relax my brain, find outlets so I am not just working or dealing with household upkeep.
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I am definitely out of the groove that I was in during January. I had been going to bed on time, fasting, and hitting 5:30 gym no problem. Now I’ve been up late many days and struggling to get out of bed.
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Haven't been drinking but started on THC again. I think it makes the chaotic evenings better with the kids (I am more fun, less critical of them) but should stop using it at other times...
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I've been randomly screaming. Sometimes it's words, sometimes it's just sounds. Thankfully only happening when I am home alone or in my car, but it a good release, hopefully not me going crazy.
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We actually stayed out of town in a small cabin for ~48 hours this weekend. Was a lot of effort for a 1-day getaway but was good to have the family time away from the house.
That's all I have for now. Will add more if I think of anything.
If anyone has any questions or I can help anyone facing similar situations, please let me know.