pull down to refresh
10 sats \ 1 reply \ @BononXD 28 May \ on: ON ENLIGHTENMENT alter_native
Hello, as I said, I will read it in my free time and I did. Of course, I'm not questioning your experience or the words of people whose quotes you used, it would be unwise for me as an ordinary 18-year-old who doesn't have a girlfriend and is single, largely by choice. Reading this text from the beginning and adding my thoughts about my behavior, the way I look at the world, etc., and most importantly, what helps me put a proverbial band-aid on my wounds, I sometimes come to the conclusion that I am mentally and spiritually or a child or a woman, rather the former, mental maturity is achieved at the age of 25, as far as I know. Unfortunately, the article's distaste is such that it concerns men injured by relationships. I've never had one like that and I'm more bothered by my self-destructive thoughts now, probably because of this summer weather. Unfortunately, I often see myself as a reverse person, which means that most people enjoy being close to their family, the sun and warmth, and being able to meet friends, but I treat conversations as a necessity when I have nothing to do, I prefer cold and rain and meeting my family. I hate it, coming back to the weather because my mood literally depends on it, in my case the sun is blazing in the summer and I feel like self-destruction, in the winter or autumn I would even play for myself, in the snow, in the rain, for joy, just to dance in the rain that then most people might think I'm crazy. Loneliness made us immune to such thoughts.
Hey there! Well let's start from the mental maturity part... age 25, yes, maybe 20-30 years ago or if you're a very highly motivated / curious / non-conformist type of a person. I know a lot of 35-year olds who still act like they're 16. Me personally, I think around the 30/31 mark I started to really shift my perspective and even that was largely due to some "ego death" type experiences that made me seriously question who I am and what my place is in the world. Also, heartbreak/relationships are only one small part of this theme - I went deeper on this because I thought that's where nuance is really necessary.
The main idea is this - look into yourself, look at those dark thoughts and try to identify the cause(s). Meditation and journalling are also very powerful tools in this aspect - and I reckon they work regardless of your age and/or gender. However you achieve this, once you find out what bothers you, you can start looking into whether these things that are affecting you are in your control or outside of your control. If it is something you're in control of, acknowledge it and simply start changing it (of course, it is rarely easy). If it is outside of your control, find ways to work around it, remove it or consciously choose your reaction to it (i.e. say to yourself: this is the way it is right now. I don't like it, but for the time being I have to live with it, so I'm not going to let it bother me. Viktor Frankl has a great quote on this:
"Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom."
You said you hate the sun & the summer. As an 18-year old, I would hope/assume that you have some time off school and/or work. Maybe you can take a solo trip, or a family trip if you'd like, to somewhere where it's colder/rainier or even snowy? If you enjoy silence and solitude, consider doing something even more out of the ordinary such as a silent retreat (I looked into doing one - a Vipassana type retreat - a year or so ago myself but decided against it because aside from not being allowed to speak they also had a whole bunch of other rules - and I generally dislike being told what I can or cannot do). Or if you don't have time and/or money to go anywhere, you can usually at least reduce the amount of contact you have with whatever it is you dislike. Perhaps a more of a nocturnal (I'm a bit of a night owl myself) lifestyle would fit you in the summer if you can study or work at nights? It's cooler, there's no sun, there's not that many people around, etc.
Hope this helps!