There’s no such thing as a free lunch, especially when inflation’s involved. Inflation in the Netherlands, my home country, has spiked to a surreal 17.1%.

Warmth

I’ve recently been allowed to sleep in an attic at a friend’s house. There is no heating, but there couldn’t be given the exorbitant energy prices. I thank God that I get to sleep in a room, many are not so lucky. With luck, I’ll be able to sleep there in the coming months.

I can’t be there during the day because the neighbors might notice. It is illegal to sleep here. My friend could lose her house if they found out.

In the evening, I sneak upstairs and stop by my friend’s front door to download files from her Wifi. I enter the room quietly and crawl under the horse blankets: it’s warm in there.

I then endlessly listen to podcasts on Fountain, so I don’t have to think for myself and earn a few satoshis. I don’t fall asleep until around three o’clock and wake up at five o’clock. I have trouble falling asleep because of my worries, but I do fall asleep and wake up broken at seven o’clock.

When I wake up, the day has already been ruined, and I have a difficult time getting going. But I do. I wash with a washcloth and bucket water. Silently, so that the neighbors do not hear.

I wonder how I will survive this winter. I am not alone, my friend cried when she got her energy bill last week. I promised her to pay some money, but we both know I got nothing.

Energy

I eat bread for breakfast, but this is becoming increasingly difficult as everything becomes more expensive. Because of the energy crisis, bakeries are even closing. Fortunately, for the time being, I get a lot of food.

I will do anything to avoid spending money. I still have to spend practically all my money for another year and a half (548 days) before I am out of debt. Things go the way they go. I survive minute by minute, day per day.

I go to my addresses all day long. I can come here for something to eat, a cup of coffee, and if I really lose it: a shower. I usually flee to the library across the street as soon as possible for warmth and electricity for my phone.

I read the free newspapers, sometimes check Twitter, and get panicky about the state of the world, the crisis, everything. Social media gets me more restless and too much always gives stress and frustration.

I hope the libraries stay open, you don’t know with all that’s happening in the world. To save energy, I can easily imagine them closing the library or, at the very least, turning off the lights and heating.

I need free energy but I know that nothing in this life is free. I’m afraid of energy blackouts.

Food

My day consists of anxiously working and waiting. I sell newspapers outside or work part-time in a back office: the inflation eats the little money I make. I’m ashamed to admit that I occasionally beg for money or worse.

But people are so caught up in their own problems that they don’t even notice me anymore. My rescuers are always elderly ladies, they don’t buy my homeless paper but give me paper money or groceries (Deodorant and expensive women’s products are especially useful because they are out of my price range).

I don’t know what will happen. I prefer to retreat into myself. Wishing not to be there anymore. I simply turn myself off like a robot and fast forward to something better.

Because of the crazy inflation, the money is evaporating before my eyes. It‘s especially painful when shopping for groceries. “Inflation reduces your debts,” they claim. So far, I haven’t noticed anything. Everything is becoming more expensive, and my paycheck is disappearing due to collection agencies that always know where to find me.

I occasionally get a cheap sandwich or some leftovers for lunch; a friend uses ToogoodtoGo for cheap food; she usually pays. I now cook in groups as well. Everyone brings ingredients so that we can cook for a few days and then divide the food. Some people in my group are afraid of hunger, while others are simply lonely and prefer to talk rather than eat.

Everything is so uncertain. I feel empty and my life sucks. When I go for a walk in the park after my work, I feel a little better. The sun is still shining brightly. Leaves fall to the ground and dogs bark. I’m not thinking about myself or the void that stares at me. I continue to breathe.

I desperately try to bring in sats, about 500 sats every day. I use several apps to accomplish this for as long as I can charge my phone. I’m trying to save for a future dream, though I’m not sure what that dream looks like anymore. What dreams remain if the entire world is shattered?

Only a room, food, warmth, and energy.

Homeless Mokum

I am homeless in Amsterdam. I am rebuilding my life with Lightning and Bitcoin. If you want please donate some sats: