Thought about a few different territories before I posted this. If it does not fit please let me know, just looking for somewhere to put this.
I just need to write where someone might read it. My wife has been struggling with pain for many months now. Today we were shocked to find out she has cancer. There are a lot of tests pending, including the biopsy, so some grain of hope there that it is not cancer. She is asleep now and the kids are at their grandparents. Sitting here by myself, writing this, I am just feeling crushed. We are so young, so many things planned for this year and the future... I know this is not a death sentence, but is going to be incredibly hard on everyone involved even without having any idea of what lays ahead. Seems at the minimum, surgery in the next 10 days. Then probably lots of treatments, which will make her sicker. The fear in her face when the doctor came to tell us the news - it was so outside of what we thought would happen, what we thought was going on.
For all of us, I need to put in more rigor around my days. Managing the kids is by far the hardest part of it all, letting them be kids and be free, while still getting us in and out of the house on time. Giving them the space to explore, to be children, to be with their mother. They know she has been in pain and have been great about it, but I think it is going to get so much harder from here.
So many different things going through my mind - the kids, her comfort, my sanity, money, my job ... the list keeps going. We were supposed to go to Europe this Spring.
I am not a particularly emotional person, in the sense that I don't cry in public but rather keep it until these moments when I am by myself. When the doctor was talking and my wife was crying, I was focused on comforting her and my brain was being very rational - they said it's contained, we don't know much, we'll do the process, one step at a time, and then we'll be through this - but even dipping my toe into the internet reveals a very scary future, if the kids will grow to know their mother as a sickly person, or will she fully recover and exercise and live to 100 years old? We've been so healthy, so thoughtful, and yet here we are.
Today she said "Am I going to die?", "I have babies...", "I was looking forward to growing old with you." - my heart breaks with every line.
Thank you for giving me a space to post.
The outpouring of support and insights has been overwhelming today. This post has been going for nearly 24 hours and I am still getting new responses. I've been coming back all day long to gain more strength and shed a few tears. Thank you all.
I will compile a list of the resources that have been shared and pin it to this post.
Some positive news - The CT and blood tests came back mostly good. There seems to have been no spread at this point and the blood test was surprisingly healthy. There seems to be a 100% chance that there will be surgery, radiation, and possibly chemotherapy in the near future. We will not delay treatment but will be exploring all the alternative/supporting options.
Thank you again for the outpouring here, it has been a shining bright spot for us today.
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21 sats \ 0 replies \ @Car 14 Feb
Always!
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Thank you all for the kind words, love, and zaps … I will either put the sats away for the kids or donate to an appropriate organization.
It has been a bit of a long night here. I’m heading to the gym now.
Thank you.
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I had a friend that I worked with for about 6 years and around year 4 he got Cancer. He had wife and kids while also working alongside of me everyday.
One day I asked him, “How are you doing this?” “How are you able to work?” “Have Cancer, take care of your kids, wife and go to treatment?”
He told me point blank.
“No way Cancer will get the best of me, Car!”
He was absolutely convinced that everything was going to be fine. He also was a Christian man so his faith was strong. He never complained or missed any days that I can recall, never used Cancer as an excuse. It was quite inspiring tbh, never seen anything like it.
To this day we still talk from time to time. Last message I got from him he said he was doing fine and just had his second daughter.
Hope this helps, I will keep you in my prayers. Honestly whenever things get me too down or I feel like complaining I remember my friend, who just willed a different outcome with his conviction and faith. God bless you, your family and your wife.
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Thank you. I am just a basket case right now thank god the kids aren’t here tonight. I’m touched by your message.
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I was in a similar situation, minus the kids, which must make everything 10x harder. That was a bit ago, now, and I'm trying to remember what would have been helpful for me at that time.
Maybe these two things.
Thing 1: You and your wife will each have a heavy load to bear, in different ways. Judging by your post, I'm getting the feeling like you might pretend that this isn't true, that you're fine, that the person who's really suffering is your wife, and you don't deserve to have any feelings of your own about the matter. It's a noble attitude, but you're a person too, and if you don't take care of yourself, too, you will become useless to yourself and to those around you. I don't know what 'take care of yourself' means for you, but the need is real. The tach is going to be in the yellow a lot, no matter what you do; try to keep it out of the red. Your wife will need that.
Thing 2: A lot of advice out comes out of the woodwork when someone gets a cancer diagnosis. You're a bitcoiner, you're used to the idea of doing your own research. This is one of the times when judgment matters, and the opinions of people who've spent their careers training and practicing for this should count for more than people who halfway read a book one time. Again, judging by your post and comments, it sounds like you've got the right attitude here, but it can be fucking maddening to hear everyone's hot takes on this topic when in your position. So maybe get ready for that, if you aren't already.
All the best.
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573 sats \ 1 reply \ @gmd 13 Feb
You're doing a great job.
Not an oncologist but feel free to reach out if you have any general medical workup/management questions I might be able to help you with.
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Thank you - will keep you on my list of contacts.
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I'm so sorry that your wife and family are going through this. It's shocking when you first hear cancer especially when you aren't expecting that diagnosis. Recently having gone through this myself I can relate especially when young kids are involved.
Not knowing what stage she is in but regardless I feel it's important that you know you have other options than just chemo, radiation or surgery. You have IV therapy and a host of other options that I never knew until I started down this rabbit hole. Just so you can have options I never knew existed. I highly recommend reading these books if you so choose.
  1. Alive and Well by Dr. Philip E Binzel
  2. World without Cancer by Edward Griffin
  3. Cancer Step Outside the Box by Ty Bollinger
  4. Chris Beats Cancer by Chris Wark
Again I'm not saying what path you should take for your family but I really wish I had this information when I started so I could ask better questions to my doctors.
I will be praying for you and your wife as you go through this together. There are a lot of up and down days and that's ok. If it's ok with you, can I have my small group pray for your family?
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Thank you - I will put these on the reading list.
Unsurprisingly, none of these are available at the library.
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I offer what I can give. A prayer.
You will both make it with love.
Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. 1 Corinthians 13:7
Caritas est forma virtutum
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Hey hodlpleb. I don’t know how to say this but I have a deep empathy for people who go through physical suffering or have to love and walk with those who do. I’ve seen and been through so much of it in my life that I can’t even explain how much it grieves me to hear your story—even as a stranger.
I’m a Christian and I believe the historicity of Jesus and his living, dying, and rising from the dead is credible. I don’t know what you believe but tonight I am praying and pleading to my God that he will intervene in your situation. I really do believe that all suffering has a purpose and I believe that when I pray, He hears me. I am praying for a miracle. But even if not a physical miracle, that He would draw you both to Him and find a peace and joy in knowing Him the way I have been so blessed to have been able to experience.
I can’t even count the number of times I have run through in my mind the sadness and grief I would feel if me or my wife were ever in your shoes. I cling to Jesus for hope—if the story of His life is true, death has no hold on us if we believe. The sadness we feel is only fleeting and there is immense joy to come. It might seem irrational, but I think it’s the most rational explanation we have to the mystery that is this life.
All the best, and seriously: your wife will be in my prayers.
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Thank you so much for keeping us in mind. Really appreciate you.
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159 sats \ 1 reply \ @anon 13 Feb
I hope you find the strength and support for yourself that will allow you to be there for your wife and kids through this time. For everything you are about to go through together I wish you the best of outcomes. I’m sorry this has come to you.
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Thank you - the shock is wearing off, I think. Just so outside the realm of what we thought was going on.
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I’m so sorry. I can’t imagine what I will do without my wife. Just that thought is scary. We have young kids too.
I’m glad you have this space to let yourself go to pieces and become a “basket case” because how else are you gonna stay strong if you don’t get to be 💯 vulnerable and release all this pent-up energy? I know you will pick yourself up tomorrow.
You and yours will get through this. Hugs, brother
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Thank you - I have gone down a few spirals already about how would I manage the kids, the house ... We have a division of labor here and I am going to have to pick up more, but if she were gone I would have a giant struggle.
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63 sats \ 1 reply \ @Nuttall 13 Feb
Thank you for sharing this. The game isn't over yet. You and your wife have a very special bond and as humans your birth is not some accident. You are both here too work through things and because we have the freedom as humans we have our physical limitations, too. Meaning that we sometimes have to do things the hard way but it's not the impossible way.
I, like my fellow plebs here, will pray for you and your family. I wish you, your wife and children health, happiness and healing.
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Thank you. Feeling very touched. There is a lot of work ahead.
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244 sats \ 1 reply \ @crrdlx 13 Feb
Hang in there. I'll share my wife's story. She was told in 2015 she had duodenal cancer, her life depended on a "Whipple" surgery. Reading what you wrote reminded me of our first reactions. A few things:
  • What you write is encouraging: "it's contained", surgery as an option is a positive, treatment is tough but you mention "one step at a time" which is exactly the correct way to do it (and the only way).
  • Along the lines of one step at a time, I'd suggest avoiding putting too many things in your mind and building a chain of possible things that might happen. "Next step is ___" and focus on that. Then go to the next step. For my wife and I, allowing our imaginations to run never seemed helpful and always seemed stressful.
  • Also, celebrate little accomplishments along the way. After my wife's surgery, she had six tubes coming out of her in various places. One by one they were removed over the course of the next few days. Each one seemed like a big step forward.
  • Medicine has come a long way, trust that. The diagnosis of "cancer" used to be construed as a death sentence, but things have come a long, long way. My wife is here today and doing well as a testament to that.
It's hard, the surgery, the recovery, dealing with others (even well-intentioned people who want to help can be stressful - the constant questions of "How are you doing? How are things going?" wear on you). It's not easy. Your wife needs you to be strong right now though. For some reason, for my wife and I, four words kept coming back to us at different times. We called it "FBSS":
Faithful - we're Christians and our faith helped us, still does; religion aside, you also have to have faith in your doctors and health care workers Brave - it's scary, this is a time for you and your wife to be brave Strong - it's hard, physically and emotionally, you both have to be strong Stubborn - at times, you and your wife will have to grit your teeth and bear down - medical procedure, when recovery is hard or you're feeling weak; also, be ready to speak up for yourself when you need to when someone isn't listening - it's a time to stand up for yourself.
These things helped us get through a tough time. Mostly, I'd just say to hang in there, don't let your imagination run wild, think next step, FBSS.
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Thank you - will focus on these. One step at a time.
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Hang in there. I’ll be thinking about you.
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thank you for sharing🫂
just do your best (to get thru it) and talk to therapists if u need - life is fucking hard!💜
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52 sats \ 2 replies \ @fm 13 Feb
Oh man.. Feels bad.. Cancer is a mofo, Try to stay strong for the times ahead. Specially for the kids.
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Thank you - the kids are definitely top of mind.
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0 sats \ 0 replies \ @fm 13 Feb
stay strong,
explore alternatives to combine with the chemical treatment
godspeed
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That's rough. Thanks for sharing, all the best.
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So sorry to hear you're going through this.
It's heartbreaking to see all the people getting cancer at younger and younger ages. The treatments may get better, but the root causes keep accelerating the diseases even faster.
I imagine it's not much solace for any individual such as yourself, but at least in future generations we can expect the world to be made healthier so there is less suffering earlier in life. It is obviously not "bitcoin cures cancer"... but bitcoin certainly leads to a healthier, chemically/biologically healthier world where it will be less prevalent, and the pace of medical advancement will be faster. Apologies if saying this now is in poor taste.
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Thank you - I hear what you are saying and generally agree. The sickening part is we are the crazy health nuts among the people we know, yet here we are.
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52 sats \ 1 reply \ @Atreus 13 Feb
Really sorry man. Sending prayers and sats your way.
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Thank you for being here.
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That's some heavy news to get. I guess it is better to get it though than to simply "be surprised".
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I agree. I was thinking, 50 or 100 years ago, she would have just gotten sicker and sicker without ever knowing what was happening 😕
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Sorry to hear. Stay strong and you'll get through it.
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⚡🧡💜🫂
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I see you and am sorry to hear. Accept it and look forward, understand there's always multiple alternatives and solutions. Be strong, stay focus! For some, there was a natural way out
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Thank you for sharing the film, we will look into it 💛
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have seen that movie tooo. It's impressive to discover what we can do as human being 🧡
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Stay strong
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First off, as others pointed out, your wife is strong enough to handle this, don’t waste energy worrying about her. Just do what you do and love her. Use your energy to support her.
Second: your kids will handle this fine. My mother got cancer when I was 9. The hardest part was seeing my dad cry, and the only other time I saw that was when our dog died. I don’t know how old your kids are, but if it were me, and my family, I would show them that I’m not worried, God has a plan, we have a plan, and we are going to execute the plan, with the help of everyone in the family.
Third: trust your gut. The doctors wanted my mom on radiation and chemo, and she refused the chemo. Decades later, it turned out that the chemo available at that time would have had zero efficacy on the type of cancer she had. She would have poisoned her body for nothing.
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Thank you - all great thoughts. Doing our best not to get swept up in the moments, but to make smart choices along the way. Luckily the kids were already away for the night, and will do our best to not alarm them - just a lot of doctors visits, as far as they know.
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121 sats \ 1 reply \ @john_doe 13 Feb
My father cured many people by changing their nutrition. It consisted of stopping eating meat, diary products, fish (what people now call "vegan") plus some medication. There was a woman once who came with an advanced breast cancer (bleeding stage, she was told at the hospital nothing could be done), similarly she began to cure as well (until the moment she started to eat like before). Saying this is not group think and I am not promoting anything, as always I am pro-canibal, pro-raw fish, pro-dog food or anything people want to eat. So please do not misinterpret. I say this if you are interested, since after all it is true and your message was sad. Hope your kids won't be affected.
There was a funny joke about cancer I have watched 10 years ago, the story of someone who began to see things in green and how hairs fell after starting "The Cure". Pretty funny, however it is in French. I paste the link if interested, you could watch it with auto generated subtitles in English: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e3EYhbrzCtg I apologize if this is not welcome as well.
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Thank you - I appreciate this. Will watch the video later, but want you to know we will look at various different treatment options. Don't want to rush into anything, but I also won't wait to pursue the Western treatments.
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Stay positive freak! My sister is going through chemo, thought she was a goner, but she's turning it around. Hopefully these sats will help!
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Thank you - Wishing your sister a full recovery.
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First, you shouldn't worry where you post this you're doing good brother, I am sorry hearing that brother! Could you try to do other test with diferent doctors? It's not that I don't trust that doctor but as you know in Bitcoin we don't trust much. But also try not to let yourself down by this, yes is suferring but she is still alive and most people find treatment to live way longer than they thought. My neighbour had breast cancer she beat it, now she has lung cancer for years and every her son tells me she will die in 6months or sooner but she is still here kicking sending us christmast gift for the kids, and whish us all happy birthday when due. So, focus on all the good time you can have with your family, don't think too much about the cancer thing in the family otherwise it will make it harder to go through and enjoy life with your wife. But I slso hear you on the financial side of things and ways to manage with the kids, it's not easy. I hoped you find some help around here in Bitcoin I know you're not asking for any financial help but any zap would count if you know what I mean. God bless your family!
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Thank you - Doing our best to stay positive, definitely waiting some additional test results, right now we don't have much to go on.
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21 sats \ 1 reply \ @r3drun3 13 Feb
I read this just after you published it... I wanted to comment but I had to close SN in tears. It's unimaginable the amount of suffering we have to face as human beings. For what it's worth, I have also faced similar situations in my life and I have come to the conclusion that suffering is not in vain, that pain is transformed into something greater. Hang in there and you will see that everything will turn out for the best in the end.
This Too Shall Pass
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Thank you for being here. We will get through this.
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21 sats \ 1 reply \ @gd 13 Feb
It sounds to me like your family is incredibly lucky to have your strength at the moment. I can't imagine how it feels for you both to go through what you are.
Wishing greatly for your wife to make a full and complete recovery, and for your family to live a long, happy, and healthy life together.
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Thank you - it's the fear of having our future cut short that is the darkest thoughts at the moment. Reminding her that we don't have much information and we can only take one step at a time.
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I'm so sorry that's happening to your family.
For whatever little it's worth, your family will be in my thoughts and I'm wishing you the best.
Don't be afraid to lean on others through this. They'll be glad for a chance to help.
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Thank you for thinking of us and for being here.
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I have been in your shoes. That was 13 years ago, and today she's fine. It sucked. She handled it better than I did! Don't read too much stuff on the internet. Get good doctors (trust your intuition), listen do them, and stay active. Oncologist said, the ones who wallowed don't make it, while the ones who carry on do. Put one foot in front of the next, one day at a time. It's all you can do.
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Thank you - felt like a death sentence for a bit. Still anxiously awaiting more test results. Some hard days ahead but hopeful.
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Waiting for the results of the biopsy is the worst part. 20 years ago, I was diagnosed testicle cancer and now the question was how aggressive is this "thing", which stage am I in or is it just a harmless tumor. We had just bought a house and wanted to start a family with children. And then this. It turned out that I "just" had a slowly evolving type of tumor but the affected "egg" had to be removed because it might spread later. In any case, my wife's love was the most important thing during this time and the certainty that medicine can do a lot after all (and one egg is enough to impregnate a woman). I now have two wonderful girls. Look, medicine has come a long way. All will be good, trust me.
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I pray to God that you may overcome this problem as soon as possible
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I'm sorry to hear this. Stay strong and I wish you and your family the best.
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Stay strong.
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Sending prayers! Take care of yourself, your wife, and your family.
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0 sats \ 0 replies \ @Tef 13 Feb
Very sorry to hear that! I pray that God gives you and your wife strength and support.
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My Dad was diagnosed years ago on the same day as his birthday, and the day he retired. It was said to be an easy one to get over, it wasn't. The first try failed, the second failed, however, the third one smashed it, sorted him right out. Essentially, he was given an immune system transplant.
When it was all over, and he was clear, he told me at no point did he lose hope, he always thought they would fix it. I've met many people succeed with that mentality, sadly, the ones that don't, don't tend to make it.
Keep strong, love you wife and family, never show doubt. Keep her spirits up, and you can pass your success story to others in a year or two.
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Don't let the mind play monkey with you. Try to be present as much as possible. The mind is a very powerful tool if you can use it, and not the other way around. I recommend read meditative books that are designed in such a way, that it calms you mind down and makes you relax therefore, to become present. One of the authors whose books helped me a lot is called Echart Tolle. It may sound weird however I believe the first most important step is to accept the challenge that is your wife face with. It is essential because the situation is already here now, therefore it is crucial to accept before we can change it. I mean accept truly that this is the situation right now without mental judgments and comments. After we have accepted then of course we need take actions but now it already arises from a much clearer energy. Which does make difference. Universe responds to your energy. Be carful about the mental health. The voice in the head is not you don't interact with it, just observe and it will calm down and fall under your control. Most people are die not because of their sickness but because of their awful mental commentary. God may bless you and your wife❤️ Live with your hear not with your mind. Be the peace that passes all understanding. It will be over soon. ❤️
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Very sorry to hear. The best you can do is be supportive and help her through this. Make sure to take some time and space to keep your head on straight. If you need an outlet to get your thoughts, frustrations, concerns out, your stacker friends will be here to listen.
Wishing you guys all the best.
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I wish you and your family all the best. Your wife and your kids are lucky to have you as their support. No shame in feeling emotional or overwhelmed, but they need your strength now to overcome this situation. 🫂
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I'm sorry bro. I have nothing to offer except 🫂. Hoping for the best outcome. 🤞
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Please post this in Nostr too. I only can send you SATs but you will need all the help. I apologize to everybody if I look cold but it's the only thing I can do.
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Thank you - I don't see anything cold, I appreciate you just being here.
I took your recommendation and shared on Nostr
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Hi! I’m sorry your family is going through this. Consider my words. Do not be afraid ever. This cancer situation is a trial or tribulation that your wife will overcome. Start with cleaning your environment. The deodorants and feminine hygiene products are all suspect. If you have not fired all corporations out if your life then start. Get everything out of the medicine cabinet (including rubbing-alcohol) and under the sink, place these products in the trash. Start over with the natural cleaning ingredients with the thought of essential oils as well as hygiene products such as deodorant and toothpaste. Your family will get better results. The chemicals are causing the cancer. Also the EMF your family could be susceptible with is suspect. Your DNA and central-nervous system is under attack with power-lines and 5G towers. Clean your bodies water from acidic environment into the alkaline environment. Drink 9ph alkaline water only. Cook with same water. Stay in faith.
stackers have outlawed this. turn on wild west mode in your /settings to see outlawed content.