I'm growing sick and tired of it, and I'm slowly getting to the end of my wits. \ stacker news ~mostly

I'm growing sick and tired of it, and I'm slowly getting to the end of my wits.

5205 sats \ 43 comments \ @Fabs 2 Apr mostly_harmless

What's up with people and "work"?!

Each- and every day, I get asked what im planning to do in regards to work, and honestly? I. Don't. Know. And I'm starting to dread the upcoming family gathering more each day it's getting closer.

At the age of almost twenty five, I still have no clue about what i'm going to spend the next decades on in pursuit of earning a salary; I don't even know if I want the former to be my future in the first place! Yet people try to push me down the threaded path they too stumbled along, failing to see that it just may happen to not be the path I want to take; but what do I want?

A house? A happy family and loving wife? And even if, what's the price for that? (Not speaking in monetary terms).

See, i'm a big fan of introspection: simply wandering around the fields and woods, and thinking out loud about what went well- and not-so-well in the current week or month. I think about differing topics and positives and negatives, but the clear leader of those walks is the topic i'm rambling on about right now, namely: work and my general future.

Through that, I've found that it's not that I don't want to work per se, it's that the "want" turns into "have" sooner or later, and that's what breaks my neck every damn time. As soon as the sensation of having to get up, having to get to work and having to do said work gets me, it's a steady decline towards quitting.

Well Fabs, how does that feel like? Well...

Imagine someone whose trying to push two identical poles (+ on +, or - on -) of two very strong magnets together.

That's how it feels, and there's gonna be a time where you simply don't have the energy to continue pushing any longer.

The above is not only true for work: as soon as I feel like having to do something for extended periods of time, I almost always quit.

I think that that's my biggest personal weakness: I fail to persevere in most cases, and I don't know how to change it.

Well Fabs, what's the fix? Good question, next please! 'Cause I don't know either.

I've been thinking about simply grabbing my bag and winging it, but I don't see that being a good life either.

I've started a course in the healthcare industry, and I'm applying for an apprenticeship right now in hopes of finally finding something I can make my peace with, but what if this fails too?

I'm slowly starting to get at end of my wits...

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229 sats \ 2 replies \ @elvismercury 2 Apr

I've been in similar situations at times in my life, and was similarly frustrated. I didn't react well, during those times, because I was really dumb.

What I would ask my formal self, if I were faced with him, is: have you tried telling the truth? It's weird to imagine, but my logic at the time is that I was being invited into an interaction that I had no interest in ("What are your plans for the future") and because I didn't want to be in that interaction, I responded un-gracefully.

But there's another kind of conversation I think could have been on offer, and that would have been kind of interesting, which is to literally say some of the things that you have just said, or that I was thinking about back then, and see what came back. At least then I would be having an actual encounter! And older-me has found that those can be strangely interesting, and sometimes really lovely.

Like, you can walk away feeling really connected to someone when you say something like: The thought of getting a job and going to it for the next couple years -- let alone for the rest of my life -- makes me want to vomit, or kill myself. That is the introduction to a real conversation, real connection. You can't say where it will go, but at least it's something. It's not just tepid pro-forma bullshit.

I basically never opened myself up to such things, growing up. I try to do it now, but as you said, this kind of engagement does require energy, there's no getting around it. And I don't always have the energy.

Anyway, that's what I would say to younger-me, maybe it can be the seed of something for you.

239 sats \ 1 reply \ @Fabs OP 2 Apr

Ohh boy, you bet I've tried initiating such conversations, but only with my mother.

My mother simply lets me be most of the time, and tries to think with me, instead of trying to push their own rigorous ideas down my throat, the rest of the family? Not so much.

See, there's this strange "expectation" resting on my shoulders, as I am the one solely responsible for "continuing the lineage" (😵) and "being a man" in general, but what the fuck is the latter even supposed to entail nowadays?!

It's all so complicated...

So many expectations one wants to adhere to, and sure, "do what makes you happy!" I hear the crowd chant, but what if that comes with the price of making everyone around you unhappy?

27 sats \ 0 replies \ @AG 3 Apr

what if that comes with the price of making everyone around you unhappy?

you just don't know. Think about making yourself happy and everyone around you, if genuine, will be happy to see you happy ;)

172 sats \ 3 replies \ @TwoLargePizzas 3 Apr

First of all, there are very few irreversible decisions. In fact, I can only think of three...

Having kids.
Committing a serious crime.
Wasting your life doing nothing.

However, every decision has a cost, including not making a decision. Now, let's imagine 2 scenarios.

Scenario 1... You get a job, work for a year and then quit. Scenario 2... You spend a year thinking about what the perfect job might be.

In scenario 1 you get some work experience, earn some money, meet some people and still have time to think about your future. When you quit you'll have a better idea of what to do next.

In scenario 2 you might figure out the perfect path forward but you're now further away from achieving it. You have no savings, no experience and nothing to show for your time except thoughts.

The truth is, you are asking the right questions but you need to accept that you don't have all the answers yet. The only way to find the answers is to make decisions and iterate. Try things, see what works and what doesn't and repeat.

What if it's the wrong decision? Almost every decision you make will be wrong to some degree. The solution is to make them, find out and make better ones.
I simply don't have that many options left anymore? You always have options. You have more options with money and experience.
I do know what to do, namely: build a foundation. Define 'foundation'. What does that look like? What's the first step? Take it.

"A bad plan is better than no plan, and the most important quality of any plan is the flexibility to change" -- Judson L Moore

21 sats \ 0 replies \ @WeAreAllSatoshi 3 Apr

Not making a decision is the silent killer

0 sats \ 1 reply \ @Fabs OP 3 Apr

"In scenario 1 you get some work experience, earn some money, meet some people and still have time to think about your future. When you quit you'll have a better idea of what to do next."

I know, and that's what I've done so-far, but I have to get a stable job that I want to work long-term, or else my situation could turn for the worse. I'm done with the constant job-hopping.

"Define 'foundation'. What does that look like? What's the first step? Take it."

Find a job in a field that's not only save from digitalisation and automation, but also fulfilling enough to strike a balance which enables me to work long-term, without turning into a bitter asshole a few decades from now.

21 sats \ 0 replies \ @TwoLargePizzas 4 Apr

I think you should take the time to really question your assumptions and think through the actual consequences of each. In my experience, reality is far less scary than whatever is going on in our minds.

I don't know everything that's going on in your mind or your life but I can tell from your words that many of your thoughts are coming from fear of the unknown.

Let's take a look at some of the assumptions you've already mentioned.

I have to get a stable job

There's no such thing as a "stable job". There are only jobs you can do and jobs you can't do yet. If we look up the meaning of "stable job" it's defined as a position that employees can keep for long periods of time. The problem with this meaning is that there's no way of knowing what "long periods of time" means. Nobody actually knows what's going to happen over decades.

My father had what you'd consider a "stable job" for 20 years. Then one day the company closed down. What happened next? He moved on and got another job. No big deal.

My advice, stop looking for the mythical stable job and focus on building up your skills. Job stability comes from having reasons to hire you. If you have skills, you'll have job stability regardless of how long you work for each company.

I want to work long-term

Do you really want to work long-term? I don't. My ideal goal is to work as little as possible on things I hate and spend more of my time doing the things I love.

Of course, our ideals and reality don't always align. But you can do things to get closer. It takes some self reflection to figure out what you really enjoy doing but the closer you can get to making money doing what you love the less it'll feel like work.

"Choose a job you love, and you'll never have to work a day in your life" -- Confucius

My situation could turn for the worse

What does that actually mean? I can't answer this one. Only you know what it means but I encourage you to really think through the possible outcomes.

In my experience, reality is usually better than what you think. You think you're going to be homeless, but in reality you'd just move back in with your parents. You think you can't afford rent, but in reality you get a roommate.

Also, the word 'worse' is relative and temporary. If I lost my job today my situation is 'worse' but next week I could find a new job and my situation is suddenly 'better'.

Find a job in a field that's not only save from digitalisation and automation

Okay, first of all, stop letting fear drive your decisions. You don't know what's going to happen in the future, you can't control it and you can't predict it.

The very idea that you think you can find a job that's safe from automation is flawed. It assumes you can even know what a safe job looks like and you can't.

Again, reality is usually better than your worst fears. Many of the jobs that exist today didn't exist a couple of decades ago and the same will be true decades from now.

Focus on next week and next year and stop worrying about next decade. Even if you're right and lots of jobs are replaced by automation it won't happen overnight. You've got time to react and you're not the only one in the same boat. It's not your responsibility to figure everything out right now.

fulfilling enough to strike a balance which enables me to work long-term

Looking for something fulfilling and enjoyable is an excellent idea. But stop trying to force it. Often the most rewarding work comes from play. Have some fun in your spare time, mess around with things you find interesting.

Again, you don't have to have everything figured out immediately. Life is a journey and whatever you decide today is not going to matter much a decade from now. There are very few absolutely life altering decisions.

Don't get me wrong. It's good to have a plan. It's good to think long term. But you need to come to terms with the fact that it's impossible to get it perfect.

turning into a bitter asshole a few decades from now.

I dunno. Being a bitter asshole isn't so bad ;)

697 sats \ 7 replies \ @Scoresby 2 Apr

It isn't fun to be in the middle of those feelings. I think I was in a similar situation a decade or so ago.

Looking back, the biggest thing I can see is this: just make a decision.

Introspection is good. Spend time on it. But also you need action. Thinking doesn't really get you anywhere, it just aims the wheels. You still have to press the accelerator.

So that's my advice: press the accelerator. Pick something (preferably something that has a chance of making you some reliable income) and stomp on the gas pedal.

You are young. You can always change things up later. Especially if you develop a skill and a bit of financial peace of mind.

You got this!

271 sats \ 0 replies \ @kepford 2 Apr

Exactly. Just make a decision. See where it leads.

You are young @Fabs. I remember starting off in my software dev career thinking man, am I to old to start at this? I was in my twenties lol. I had already worked in several different blue collar industries and hated them. The work was fine but the real issue was that I wasn't challenging my mind enough. I was bored. Be bored is no good. Challenge is one of the things what makes life worth living.

38 sats \ 5 replies \ @Fabs OP 2 Apr

You say that, but what if it's the wrong decision, and all falls apart once I simply don't have that many options left anymore?

I think that, deep down, I do know what to do, namely: build a foundation.

The question is, how am I gonna do that without having the damn thing break away in a decade or two?

I've tried many things and combinations in the last years, but none worked for me long-term.

My hope is that the course I've signed up for is going to strike the balance I'm longing for, and I really hope it does, for I don't think that there's many options left for me.

211 sats \ 2 replies \ @ChrisS 2 Apr

You are never going to be worse off trying something and it not working out than not trying something at all. You will always have options and you will have more options if you try new things along the way even if they don’t turn out to be your long term answer. If you are constantly learning and bettering yourself along the way life has a funny way of working out in ways we could never have imagined or planned for.

21 sats \ 1 reply \ @Fabs OP 2 Apr

"If you are constantly learning and bettering yourself along the way life has a funny way of working out in ways we could never have imagined or planned for."

Hm, that's surprisingly reassuring. Are you speaking out of experience?

21 sats \ 0 replies \ @ChrisS 2 Apr

For sure

0 sats \ 1 reply \ @Scoresby 2 Apr

I started out thinking I was going to be a social worker helping chronically homeless folks find and keep housing.

Now I make pictures for bitcoiners.

There are way more options open for you than you think. At least I have always found this to be true in my own life.

Thinking that you are locked-in to something or won't be able to figure it out is easy to do, but I don't think it's true.

21 sats \ 0 replies \ @Fabs OP 2 Apr

Options are plenty, but time's slowly running out... 😶‍🌫️

231 sats \ 2 replies \ @Undisciplined 2 Apr

That's tough. I've often gravitated towards jobs that are very flexible in their hours, because I also chafe at having to get up at a certain time or having to go into work.

There's definitely a tradeoff. I could be making 2x or 3x my current salary if I would put up with a bunch of things I know I don't like.

Are you in a position to do various sorts of gig work? Maybe having a bunch of options on the table will make work feel more like a choice.

Good luck

60 sats \ 1 reply \ @Fabs OP 2 Apr

Yeah, I've tried juggling multiple part time and mini-jobs in the minimum wage sector at once. It's either working many hard hours for shitty pay, or going back to school, do a course and have a somewhat comfortable future ahead- or that's what I hope.

I've given the latter a chance now, for I don't know what else could work long-term.

0 sats \ 0 replies \ @Undisciplined 2 Apr

I hope you find what you're looking for. I was still scraping different jobs together when I was your age. It can definitely be a slog.

419 sats \ 5 replies \ @siggy47 2 Apr

Interesting timing. @kepford and I were talking about similar issues, though there are generational differences. Since I'm old enough to be your grandfather, I imagine my dad if I uttered your words to him. Suffice it to say it would get ugly. It's not a judgment thing. Expectations have changed over the last hundred years. Back then the focus was getting enough food to eat and shelter. Anything else you got in life was a blessing.

297 sats \ 4 replies \ @Fabs OP 2 Apr

"Interesting timing. @kepford and I were talking about similar issues, though there are generational differences."

Maybe the universe had it's omnipresent hand at play...

Life's gotten easier, but paradoxically also more complicated than it used to be, ain't it?

It's a tough balance to strike.

202 sats \ 0 replies \ @kepford 2 Apr

Expectations have changed over the last hundred years. Back then the focus was getting enough food to eat and shelter. Anything else you got in life was a blessing.

Man is this ever true. The idea of having a job that is "fulfilling" would be absurd to my dad. He never had this expectation. He lost his father before he was a teen and started working to put food on the table. It would be even more absurd to my grandfather.

When I get down about work or money I try to remember my early days working jobs I hated and getting paid peanuts for it. I didn't appreciate things the way I do now. I didn't have the context. I don't have the context for where I am now. I hope its better but still if I reach 70 I'm sure I'll look back on now and see it differently.

0 sats \ 2 replies \ @siggy47 2 Apr

Even though I'm old, I can relate more to you than I could to my dad. I don't envy people your age. The world has gotten fucked up, and it wasn't great to start with. I hope this isn't trite, but we are on Stacker News. You have an opportunity to pursue something you love- bitcoin. Maybe you don't feel like I do, but if I was younger I would be learning code and become a dev. It seems like the perfect way to support yourself while making the world a better place. The old cliche, find something you love, and you won't work a day in your life. Hell, I would do that now, at my age, if I had any aptitude for it.

117 sats \ 1 reply \ @Fabs OP 2 Apr

"and it wasn't great to start with." Should I be glad or sad that I've missed that? 😜

"You have an opportunity to pursue something you love- bitcoin."

Oh, I do! Bitcoin really is my "rock in the surf", so to speak, but nothing I could meaningfully contribute to in that way, as I'm simply not the type of a coder or developer or the likes... I hate working with computers and screens all day. 😵🤭.

"The old cliche, find something you love, and you won't work a day in your life."

Work will always be a necessary evil for me, that, I'm pretty sure of...

0 sats \ 0 replies \ @anon 2 Apr

83 sats \ 3 replies \ @kepford 2 Apr

It took me a while to figure out what I wanted to do as a "career". But, before that I worked in many "jobs". There is NO SHAME in working a job. Career can become an idol and a slave master. Many let it become their identity. I went through a phase of that. Work / Career is not a good master. Your worth is deeper than the title you hold.

But, work is worth while. When you see that you have helped someone with a problem that can be rewarding if you have the right perspective. One huge problem today is that so much work seems pointless. It can be hard to see the results or believe they are positive. Years ago I heard a gentleman speak about money being a thank you. When I work for someone for whatever reason, they will pay me. They had to do work or someone had to do work to get that money. So they are parting with the fruits of their labor in exchange for my help. Even if I don't see the fruits of my labor someone does or else they would not pay me.

If you are having trouble finding something you want to do then I would suggest trying a lot of things. I'm not sure how many types of work you've tried but that might be an issue. I'm old enough to be your father and I have seen through the years being a manager and co-worker than many people that do not come from a blue collar background do not value their employment as much as I do. I don't know your background but my father was poor. He never finished school. He was born in a log cabin poor. His family was one of the poorest in a poor community. But, he worked hard and was honest. He provided for me and taught me to work hard.

Keep your head up. You will figure it out. Try to remember your family may have went through things that you don't understand and that affect the way they view you. Family can be messy but I hope they care for you and are pressuring you from a good place. Maybe what is missing is a motivation. A goal. I wanted to provide for my wife when I was young. Then we had a kid. I would do anything for him. Now I realize that doing good work is motivating in itself. I'm improving myself. People paying me validate that but even if I was fired I'd know that it was temporary. I wrote a bit about my recent struggles in Zoom out. It was one of your posts that led me to step back and zoom out. I was feeling hopeless at times. Its ridiculous for me to even write it because it is absurd but that is what the mind can do to us. Hang in there @Fabs. You can't control other people. The older you get the less you care about what they think and say. Its one of the rewards of living long :)

0 sats \ 2 replies \ @Fabs OP 2 Apr

"There is NO SHAME in working a job."

Or so they say, but people sure looked - and still look - at me differently, and not in a positive way.

"But, work is worth while. When you see that you have helped someone with a problem that can be rewarding if you have the right perspective. One huge problem today is that so much work seems pointless. It can be hard to see the results or believe they are positive."

I'm actually with you on that. A while ago I've posted about my grandparents which I care for, and that it can be difficult at times. It's unpaid, but it's work nonetheless, and I actually feel needed and rewarded for the care I provide them, that's why I've set sail towards a profession in the healthcare industry. I'm not entirely sure how to translate it, but the general task of the job is to help people with a disability, social-, psychological or drug-related difficulties to have- or get back to leading a sovereign life of their own.

It's not entirely the same as what I do with my grandparents right now, but in a way, it's even better, as I'll help people with problems much greater than those of my grandparents. And I think / hope that I can find the fulfilment and balance I'm looking for in regards to work.

Thanks for your words, though :)

100 sats \ 1 reply \ @ChrisS 2 Apr

"There is NO SHAME in working a job."

Or so they say, but people sure looked - and still look - at me differently, and not in a positive way.

Shame is something YOU feel. It has nothing to do with how other people view you. Don’t let what you do with your life be influenced by what other people think. Or worse what you think other people are thinking.

0 sats \ 0 replies \ @kepford 2 Apr

Yes, this is critical advice. You will never control how other people think or behave and most of the time you don't know what they are thinking.

186 sats \ 0 replies \ @nym 2 Apr

It's a really common struggle, especially for people in their 20s who are trying to figure out what path they want to take in life. The truth is, it's okay to not know exactly what you want to do yet. All who wander are not lost. I bet that is when you have your best ideas.

143 sats \ 1 reply \ @anon 2 Apr

your life is probably too easy you need your parents to kick you out of the house then the boy will be forced to become a man, or drown

or you can simulate this in your mind and ask yourself all the things you have now that you take for granted

10 sats \ 0 replies \ @Fabs OP 2 Apr

Oh, I'm privileged, that I don't doubt. If they were to do that, I'd most likely do what I'm already contemplating: Grab a bag and wing it.

75 sats \ 1 reply \ @om 2 Apr

Humans have a strong built-in preference for following traditions because that helped humans survive in a world that changed slowly. So it is understandable that your family attempts to make you follow traditions in their misguided belief that this will help you.

However it is absolutely not OK for your family to place strong expectations upon you, to demand that you "continue the lineage" or "be a man" or have a wife or whatever.

"do what makes you happy!" I hear the crowd chant, but what if that comes with the price of making everyone around you unhappy?

Then you tell everyone around you to fuck off. Don't attend family meetings that you dread.

The question is, how am I gonna do that without having the damn thing break away in a decade or two?

What a strange question! People were making fabric all their lives... and then looms appeared. People were breeding horses all their lives... and then cars appeared. etc., etc. And now we have AI. Count on the damn thing breaking in several years. And then you'll adapt and overcome like everyone else.

0 sats \ 0 replies \ @Fabs OP 2 Apr

That's surprisingly direct, and surprisingly empowering. Thanks.

75 sats \ 1 reply \ @cypherspace 2 Apr

Quarter life crisis are becoming a more frequent thing, it can be a difficult time. If your path in healthcare doesn't give you peace than on too the next thing, some of us find the joy in the never ending search. But your never alone on the journey 🫂

10 sats \ 0 replies \ @Fabs OP 2 Apr

Well, let's just say that if the chance I take in healthcare doesn't work out, "grabbing my bag and winging it" might just be what I'm going to do.

75 sats \ 1 reply \ @riberet19 2 Apr

I understand your situation, you just haven't found what you want to do or your path yet, some people take longer others less to find their way, or believe that they have found it in some cases, don't put pressure on yourself, that pressure sometimes comes from external agents and not from your own thoughts, maybe when you least expect it, in those moments of introspection, you discover what you really want to do.

0 sats \ 0 replies \ @Fabs OP 2 Apr

Thanks, that's what I secretly aim for during introspection :)

75 sats \ 0 replies \ @emmanuelrosa 2 Apr

There's work you can do that isn't too demanding, while giving you the opportunity to buy yourself some time to figure out a way forward. In other words, it's work that requires minimal investment allowing you to pivot with minimal losses. I'll pass on the idea I received which had the effect of giving my life the direction it needed. Note I'm not doing this work anymore, but it was life-changing:

https://www.internationalteflacademy.com/

75 sats \ 1 reply \ @grayruby 2 Apr

Besides walking in the woods and introspecting and posting on SN, what do you enjoy doing? You don't have to get a job. You can create one for yourself but you have to figure out what you would like to spend your time doing or what you would be willing to do that others aren't that you can leverage to make money, buy assets and eventually time for yourself to do what you like to do.

150 sats \ 0 replies \ @Fabs OP 2 Apr

From another reply:

A while ago I've posted about my grandparents which I care for, and that it can be difficult at times. It's unpaid, but it's work nonetheless, and I actually feel needed and rewarded for the care I provide them, that's why I've set sail towards a profession in the healthcare industry.

I'm not entirely sure how to translate it, but the general task of the job is to help people with a disability-, social-, psychological or drug-related difficulties to have- or get back to leading a sovereign life of their own.

That's what I'm going for this time...

0 sats \ 0 replies \ @DesertDave 7 Apr

Every time I leave something behind, my life gets better. The universe rewards bravery.

0 sats \ 1 reply \ @atl 3 Apr

I don’t have advice for you but I’ll share my journey so far in hopes that you may get something out of it.

For context, I’m quite privileged, not really having to worry about finances, grew up in a pretty normal functional family.

I had an existential crisis at the age of 18. I am currently 22 btw. I ran out of money, and because my dad is a hardcore conspiracy theorist, I knew the sky was falling from an early age- I needed to do something about my money situation. His obsession with central banking, the cabal, etc etc… naturally led me to the conclusion that I needed money, fast and I needed it now. (obviously he scared me straight lol)

My best friend is a successful music producer and he got me into producing around 2021. I made music for about a year, and I never made a penny. I had a girlfriend that I sadly neglected hard through this time, regretfully. We are still together to this day 💝. I cut ties with my music producer friend and our friend group due to different opinions regarding covid, and we just didn’t see eye to eye anymore. Maybe I grew up or something idk. Anyways the money issue thing was still stuck in my frontal lobe so I started looking into crypto- as any genZ does. This led me towards shitcoining for a couple months and I finally landed in bitcoin land. I bought my first bitcoin in early 2023.

Fast forward to today, I am currently working with my dad- we run a small health business that supports our entire family and some. I won’t disclose what we do as some may call me a fraud for working in “pseudo-science” but our business speaks for itself. We don’t advertise, all our clients are word of mouth. Proof of Work baby. I am in a fantastic relationship with a girl who I really don’t deserve but I see a future with her 100%. I got very lucky. She’s my world.

I have a business that can support me, my girl, and my bitcoin addiction. That’s my simple life. Hard work, but a simple life. I hope that you may find your “work”.

I think that bitcoin has taught me that I don’t actually want to retire. I want to provide for the people I care about. Don’t take advice. Make mistakes, and see what happens.

“If you assume that there is no hope, you guarantee that there will be no hope. If you assume that there is an instinct for freedom, that there are opportunities to change things, then there is a possibility that you can contribute to making a better world.” — Noam Chomsky

10 sats \ 0 replies \ @Fabs OP 3 Apr

"pretty normal functional family." Followed by "I had an existential crisis at the age of 18. I am currently 22 btw. I ran out of money, and because my dad is a hardcore conspiracy theorist, I knew the sky was falling from an early age" made me chuckle a bit, haha.

Nonetheless: thanks for the insights, and cool that things turned out well for you in the end! I hope that'll be where you are three years from now.