1511 sats \ 24 replies \ @siggy47 7 Mar \ on: 4_F4ll_GuY_0x01.md mostly_harmless
Damn I missed this. I'm going to be honest right now because I know you value that, but I'm taking a chance too because I'm not sure if you want my opinion. I remember kicking myself for complimenting you for your daily zero something posts, because I feel like you being told how much we all enjoyed it made you self conscious and didn't let your shit flow. You're back! Keep it coming.
He must feel the pain... Only then, will appreciate the peace of mind.
reply
Everyday I can move my toes is a good day
And if I am not having a good day, I can just rub a specific spot at my back and I feel some kind of electrical discharge which reminds me of the accident and how close I was of sitting in a wheelchair forever. Or think of all the injuries or other trauma I don't have since I have never been caught in a war.
Pretty cool if you think of accidents that way: vivid reminders how fragile life is
reply
I wasn't referred to the pain in your legs.
Your real struggle was in between the realms.
Sometimes the physical pain in the body can put you in the thin line between life and death. But that is only the death of your body / vessel. You, the real YOU, is not dying, just looking for a new journey.
I was there (in a NDE) 3 times. I know how is it. Is painful. And that's why most of people are afraid of death, because they have that in memory from their previous incarnations.
Very few people had a peaceful death, fron natural ageing.
Ok I talk too much. Please read my okd post about NDE.
reply
Your real struggle was in between the realms.
Yes, you are right, my reply didn't mention this
I was there (in a NDE) 3 times. I know how is it. Is painful. And that's why most of people are afraid of death, because they have that in memory from their previous incarnations.
I had another NDE but that wasn't really a NDE but it still felt like dying: near ego death or NED, lol
I would say I am not afraid of death anymore but the process of dying.
Very fee people had a peaceful death, fron natural ageing.
Yes, I would like to have a peaceful death but that needs to be earned as this scene hints at:
Please read my okd post about NDE.
You mean #277326, right? If so, I did
reply
Damn I missed this
👀😇
I'm going to be honest right now because I know you value that, but I'm taking a chance too because I'm not sure if you want my opinion
Why would I not want your opinion—or anyone's opinion? Honest question. It's basically free and personalized information that is easy to dismiss with the chance that some interesting discussion emerges.
I know I explicitly mentioned in this post that I don't want any advice etc. but that was mostly because I didn't even want to write this post but it felt like the only solution to get out of this negative head space. I think I was still interested in what people wrote, I just didn't feel like replying so it felt unfair to not mention that I most likely wouldn't reply back. Mixing that with all the other feelings I had was probably what resulted in my comment at the end.
But maybe I am missing something. Did I mention something like this in my Z2Z posts? I tend to make a lot of jokes which don't necessarily look like jokes but that's part of the joke unfortunately lol.
Thanks for being honest, I know it's not always easy :)
because I feel like you being told how much we all enjoyed it made you self conscious and didn't let your shit flow
Or you are referring to simply this with the quote above?
It did a little but it was net positive. Maybe I also needed some self-consciousness that I lost along the way so it wasn't necessarily a bad thing. However, there were definitely some trust issues since I felt like people were enjoying it too much as in:
Surely these posts aren't that good, right?
But when I noticed it got harder and harder to write a post everyday, I actually started to trust my skills and the feedback I received more since that explained that I really just had a lot of writing built up and I should find a more sustainable schedule now. I think that was more why my shit didn't seem to flow anymore. There was simply not much shit left instead of some congestion.
I can tell you, I am looking forward to any reply. Just the feeling that someone (might) read all I wrote makes me feel special. I hope this feeling never goes away, at least not fully. It's also always very interesting what parts which people quote or reply to. As an aspiring writing social engineer, I value this or any information that tells me more about my audience.
I also know from my own experience that if a post is really good, I tend to simply zap it instead of replying since I know my comment written in 5 minutes would not be up to the standard of this post and I don't want to take the time to construct a more thoughtful comment currently but then I forget. So I know that replies might indeed be priceless, especially with honest feedback.
reply
Or you are referring to simply this with the quote above?
Yes, I was just talking about that. So, have you written more but are just holding back, or is that dramatic spot where you stopped?
I found the whole ambulance/EMS thing disturbing because of a crazy, tragic, event that just happened to people I know.
reply
I found the whole ambulance/EMS thing disturbing because of a crazy, tragic, event that just happened to people I know.
I wanted to reply to this, too, but I got lost in my search to find the comment or post were you mentioned a burial. I thought I read it somewhere here but I can't find it.1
What I wanted to say is that I am not sure if what I experienced is what generally happens. If I would have to guess, I would say that a NDE is just a reflection of your whole life. As if your brain is feeling extreme FOMO and wants to resolve everything before shutting down for good but at the same time realizes that it's too late. You can't say sorry, thank you or fuck you to all these people that you met in all these years. They will never know how much they hurt you or how much they meant to you because you were too ignorant of life and death. And your brain goes into full denial mode because it can't accept that this is it while simultaneously realizing that this might indeed be it and it's in full denial mode. Or should I say the ego?
Anyway, if the people you knew lived a good life, I think you shouldn't worry. That's all that matters.
I think that's also what @DarthCoin meant with this comment. Live your best life but be mindful of death. I wasn't until that day. Still took me until just a few months ago to fully realize how much time I wasted already since I still didn't get it. I probably still don't get it but I'm trying now at least.
Footnotes
-
almost got lost again ↩
reply
Strange timing. I was just writing about this incident in a reply to the latest stoic book club post. Obviously you lived it. I didn't. This happened to a close friend. The closest I have come was a heart attack about 10 years ago, but I never reached the point where I believed I would die.
My friend's daughter had asthma. She was a 35 year old mother to a one year old son. She had an attack at the family front door. She lived with my friend. Her death was bad enough, but a ring doorbell video camera caught the entire incident. The EMS responder says "I don't know what to do" and they never gave her oxygen. They just watched her die. It's bad enough losing a child, but seeing with your own eyes that she could have been saved was devastating.
reply
The EMS responder says "I don't know what to do" and they never give her oxygen. They just watched her die. It's bad enough losing a child, but seeing with your own eyes that she could have been saved was devastating.
Wow, I'm very sorry to hear that. I got immediate flashbacks to my paramedic training and that priority 1 is heartbeat and priority 2 is free airways for breathing. That they wouldn't know to give oxygen (like that's basically why you even do CPR, to circulate blood and the oxygen in it) is shocking.
What did they even do then? Literally nothing?
But it's also easy to blame EMS. They should know but it's also stressful for them. Still, I can't believe it but obviously I should.
reply
Her younger sister was with her. She told them she has asthma and to please give her oxygen. A different EMS crew had responded to a similar situation when she was pregnant. They got the oxygen to her immediately and it was fine. I think this EMS guy was young, inexperienced, and scared. At least he seemed to care. There was a cop on the scene who just stood there looking bored. Really my take is that it would be easier for the family to accept if it was not filmed by the ring camera. My friend keeps watching it over and over. Technology can be a curse.
reply
reply
Oh @siggy47 - this is just awful. My heart goes out to her son. So many questions will remain. I don’t know how her family can get through other than to acknowledge that grief and loss is a process and everyone walks their own path through it. Long, painful days ahead for all affected.
reply
I would say that a NDE is just a reflection of your whole life.
Yes, the first part of NDE is that. But it happen in fractions of seconds (in our human body life time). In your mind it could take longer, depending on how many important aspects had you human body life.
But after that come more crazy stuff, you start seeing stuff that you never imagine you could see. It's your mind struggle, trying to find a path somewhere. This is the part where you shit your pants. THE UNKNOWN.
You are right, is meaningless to say sorry or fuck you... you are going to another dimension where all that is meaningless. Also for the people you left here on this fucking planet, it doesn't matter. After they put your body under the dirt, they will forgot you and also can't do shit about it.
OK I should STFU and not talking again about this. I only saw that you had the same instincts with that experience. Is fascinating, because I thought I was the only one crazy here :)
reply
But after that come more crazy stuff, you start seeing stuff that you never imagine you could see. It's your mind struggle, trying to find a path somewhere. This is the part where you shit your pants. THE UNKNOWN.
Mhh, I guess I wasn't that close to dying so this didn't happen for me. But the fear of the unknown is definitely a strong fear (see H.P. Lovecraft).
OK I should STFU and not talking again about this
Why not? Too scary?
because I thought I was the only one crazy here :)
lol I feel honored
reply
Will be scary (in human terms) for people reading it. For me is not anymore. I've been there 3 times and start getting used to. Also I saw the true meaning of life so for me is not scary anymore. For others could be.
Is not good to dug deep into this stuff because it could put you in a slippery slope, going down into the darkest parts of your mind. And is not a pleasant experience. Also you could never came back from that hole and your brain can be damaged forever.
Keep a balance and a strong mind.
reply
Also you could never came back from that hole and your brain can be damaged forever.
You sure that didn't happen to you? lol sorry, that was too good of an opportunity even though it's a serious topic. Guess I simply don't have anything to add and can only appreciate you sharing these words with us.
My brain just immediately uses humor as defense against dark stuff I guess.
reply
Humor is good. Is how you can keep a normal life.
Why do you think I post so many memes? To not think about that dark side...
Keeping the balance.
So, have you written more but are just holding back, or is that dramatic spot where you stopped?
No, this is all I have written down so yes, this is where I stopped. But I already knew how I want to end this part of my origin story when I started writing it. It's just a matter of writing it down and deciding which details I want to keep, which to remove and which to change for various reasons like privacy or "artistic style".
I am in a different mindset now though. So not sure if I can keep up the same angry writing style. But my memories of what pissed me off in the hospital (and what was very charming) are decent enough so it shouldn't be too hard to pull it off. Might not be that important though. It's clear that I have written both parts at different points in time.
reply